Why God did you pick us...

I just read Jennys post and Ive been feeling this way for quite some time.

Why God do people all around me get pregnant with just having sex once?

Why do we have to go down a road that only few do and have such pain doing so?

15 mths of TTC and feeling like we are really no closer than when we started just a lot more out of our wallets with fertility treatments, medicines, needles, and oh that costly MRI I had done just to tell me I had a tumor..just lovely.

Why do I have a family who cant support our decision to adopt and lets us know that as well. Havent we endured enough pain with not being able to have our own kids but yet a family who cant support us too. How much more pain can we endure before giving up all hope of ever having a child?

Why God do people have to charge so much $ for adoption. Isnt there domestic agencies that charge under 15k?

I just dont comprehend how people can get pg in the backseat of a car in their teens and dont want to a kid but yet we would love to have a kid and practically do almost anything to get one but honestly cant do so.

Today we went to a church picnic with so many kids it was crazy (I knew and expected and have gotten to where I can handle it sometimes) but what I wasnt expecting was for a parent who has 3 kids to say she prays God wont give her another kid she already has her hands full enough. Really, seriously? I wish and pray that God would give us even one. Then others saying oh well we are going to have a April/May baby we just need to start TTC and it will happen quickly just like the last. Yeah again how lucky these women are. I just tried to fight through it but that maybe one of the hardest obstacles. How can you truly be so ungrateful for a kid when some people cant even have them?

I guess its just been an emotional rollercoaster and I know that things will get better but some things do set me back like occassions like this...

Maybe one day we will be so blessed to have a child of our own. I pray for the day and cant wait to see we are parents but I think its going to be a long road. I relaly have no faith in the adoption options we have chosen right now but well see I guess. We also found out that if we decide to do the classes through Bethany we will have to drop one (either the state or Bethany) we cant have an application in both places.

Decisions, decisions...and lots of prayer

7 comments:

Mandy Jo said...

I have had alot of the same feelings today. Two friends of my friends I went to school with told me yesterday that they are both pregnant and planned it this way. I just looked at them. I managed to get a congrats out and then walked away saying I had to go to the bathroom. Laying in bed last night I asked my husband "why can't it be that easy for us." We have been TTC for over 7 years now. I "planned" to get pregnant too but wow was I in for a surprise...

sarah said...

All I can say is...ugh! I have two adopted children from Russia, but I can still clearly remember those feelings. Strange thing, my friend told me yesterday she was expecting her third (unplanned) child and I still felt a bit...ugh! I don't think I have any unresolved issues, it's more that people just don't get how lucky they are.

G & H said...

I'm so sorry your feeling this way today. We had my chubbys company picnic and I was so miserable watching all the families. Last year we KNEW we would have a baby at the next picnic well here we are and no baby...It's so hard I read a quote by Mother Teresa recently and I think it fits..." I know God will never give me more than I can handle but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much"

G & H said...

OMG I realized i put chubby but meant hubby LOL

Rob & Lindsey said...

Amber I know what you mean. I struggled a lot with this yesterday. I am in that 2ww right now and I can't even imagine it being positive because it never has before. I just told God last night that I am sorry but I have to be honest...why is it that some people have 5 kids yet I can't have any yet. Why is it that people who abuse and neglect their kids both mentally and physically keep having kids and yet so many of us that would love our kids and bring them up in the Lord have so much trouble. I know God has great plans for us all. I just wish He could tell us what they are and the reasoning for them. Praying that your day gets better and God brings us all some peace today.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry! I had one of those weekends too. There must've been something in the air. I don't understand why we are "chosen" to endure this journey, but I trust that God will reward us in the long haul. It's hard though and some days you fall, it's how you pick yourself up though and keep on going that makes you stronger! I love you!!
~Michelle

Dana said...

First of all, sending you tons of hugs.

I know nothing about the adoption process, I am amazed that it takes so long and costs so much! I just don't understand that!

Good things will happen to you, just trust in your faith. I never, EVER thought (and was told so by my old dr.) that I could get pg. I see now that my timeline wasn't what was supposed to happen. I truly believe that things happen for a reason, it was soooo hard for me to see that for the 4 years we were ttc, but now I do. Just keep your positive attitude, good things will happen!