Last night we went to our 3rd class on Adoption and have 3 more left to go to. Last night the topic of discussion was on Developmental Stages and went in heavily talking about abused chidren.

Its really sad to me that some grown adults can be so sick to sexually abuse a child. Some very alarming statistics that were shared
*1 out of every 3 girls are sexually abused
*1 out of every 5 boys are sexually abused
*75-95% of children living in foster care are sexually abused

These statistics to me were very alarming. We watched a video of a child who was sexually abused by her own father (how sad is that??) and then was placed into foster care after she told her teacher at school one day. So many of these kids never tell anyone so no one even knows, just so sad to hear and so sad some of these kids dont know a difference.

They were also telling the story of a kid who was 2 or 3 yrs old and pleasured himself until he bled. I just couldnt fathom at such a young age but these kids who are sexually abused do things like that. It just really breaks my hurt to even think about such a thing. It really made me also realize that adoption is the way if we can take just one kid out of bad situation like that then thats one less kid.

Tonight will be our 4th class, then we will have our 5th class next Tuesday which supposedly is dealing with adoption in great detail so Im looking forward to it. Then we have to go through CPR training, then home study then we will be done and ready to adopt..yeah!

In other news, Im really surprised how fast this cycle for me is going by guess Ive tried to take my mind off of it but already on day 11, where did the time go?! Ive also experienced something weird and not sure if anyone else has experienced if so please share but Im not taking Clomid this month but still seem to be experiencing some hot/cold flashes. I thought I was done with these but I guess not. Granted they are not nearly as bad but its just odd.

Psalm 39:7
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

What a great reminder even on the first day of a new cycle. My hope is in him I just need to learn patience because it gets tougher and tougher each month.

As you can see from the title AF found me late yesterday and I keep asking the question why God? Why do we have to go through so much pain for a child? I honestly dont get it at all but sometimes things arent always so clear and here is a perfect example of it.

A few hours after I posted I went to the bathroom and AF was here in full bloom no denying it at all. I cried my eyes out I think it gets tougher and tougher each month for her to pay me a visit, especially this month. Im glad to have such a wonderful husband that wrapped his arms around me and said when God is ready for us to have a baby we will have one. Its tough but God will get us through it. I really dont know what I would do without him, hes truly wonderful!

Then after all this we went to watch the Office and if that wasnt a kick in the stomach I dont know what was. Pam & Jim are having a baby (seemed as though unexpected). If its so easy on TV why cant it be so easy in real life?! Of course that sent more tears streaming...

I think that we both have felt led to adopt for some time and this is the reassurance as much as it wasnt the reassurance we wanted though.

A few questions to answer up if anyone is curious
1. Will we do another IUI cycle? Not at this time we have shelled out so much $$ for doctors, procedures and nothing has happened. We are going to leave it in Gods hands and if its meant for us to have a baby we will but only in his will.

2. Will we ever do IVF? No, I just couldnt fathom doing this with as much $ as it costs with no guarantees.

3. Will we be doing Clomid this month? No, just need a break from it. The hot flashes and all that other fun stuff that makes me dread this medicine

4. Will I still continue to take the cabergoline (generic for dostinex)? Yes, want to make sure that my prolactin is still regulated. Dont really mind taking this medicine because I have really had no side effects of it.

5. Will I get my tubes checked to make sure there are no blockages? depends on if insurance will pay for it or not. If it will, probably so because we have already met our deductible for this year already due to all the expenses (really due to the MRI to check for the pituitary tumor)

6. Do you have any fears of adoption? yes, absolutely! My biggest fear with adoption is the thought of being chosen and then a birthmother changing her mind. I know that this is the way God is leading us so we will trust him.

If you have any other questions please let me know.

Im finally starting a TTC blog after what has been a difficult first year of it with no luck.

My name is Amber and hubby is Chad. I am 28 and he will be 30 in September. We were married May 24, 2003. On our 5 year anniversary we decided it was time to start a family after we have completed our moving around from Starkville to Nashville and then back home to be closer to family. We have one little pomeranian, Brownie who is 5 1/2 that is very spoiled.

Here is a link to my chart for anyone to look at.I have been on Clomid for 6 mths started at 50 mg, then moved to 75 mg then to 100 mg.

We began to see a RE on Feb. 11, 2009 to see what we could do. Our first month of testing it was discovered that my prolactin was very elevated and I went in for an MRI to determine that I had a pituitary tumor which scared me to no end to hear the words "tumor" I have been on cabergoline (generic for dostinex) to help bring my prolactin back to a normal range. I went back to get retested last month and the medicine is working but with still no luck. On top of this I also have found out through testing with OPK's and charting that I had a very short luteal phase which has increased some but not enough to bring it to a normal stage (11-12 DPO).

The other problem we are experiencing (not that I dont already have enough wrong with me) is that Chad has a lower sperm count at 13 million, not impossible but lower than what it should be.

Two days ago we did our very first IUI and are hoping that it works. I went for an ultrasound Monday and had 6 follicles so hopefully just one of those will help to get us a baby of our dreams.

I look forward to keeping this up to date and will be posting more information soon. Hopefully I will meet some others so that I dont feel like the only one that cant have a baby.