We finished our fourth class last night which was on Behavior Management.

It was really eye opening to realize why some kids act out and it usually relates back to their past of course. Never really thought of it this way but sometimes when kids act out is when they need you the most just to be loved and held, not spanked and put into a corner and that can be very difficult of course.

In MS, they stated that they like to place kids within 50 miles of the birth mom which is kind of good and bad. Another thing that is kind of scary is going through the state they do not disclose the parents medical history so the parents could have a history of all types of stuff and we would never know which is just plain scary.

The trainers did state that they do get newborns but it is rare so either we will be waiting for a while or go with Bethany, we will see what happens its in Gods hands whatever happens.

Our next class on Tuesday is devoted almost entirely to adoption so I cant wait to see what we find out, hopefully more information.

Also, just wondering has anyone ever considered surrogacy? Not sure if we would go this route or not but it is interesting. Costs are about 10-15k and of course it would be partially or fully ours. If you know someone who has done it on either side or have any other info please share.

In other news, yesterday we found out some very disturbing news about my step grandfather which came as a huge shock. He is a deacon at the church him and my grandmother went to and was just a devote Christian guy or so we thought. Please say some prayers for my grandmother as she files for divorce over it all and picks up the pieces, so sad. Just goes to show you, you dont always know someone as well as you think you do.

Last night we went to our 3rd class on Adoption and have 3 more left to go to. Last night the topic of discussion was on Developmental Stages and went in heavily talking about abused chidren.

Its really sad to me that some grown adults can be so sick to sexually abuse a child. Some very alarming statistics that were shared
*1 out of every 3 girls are sexually abused
*1 out of every 5 boys are sexually abused
*75-95% of children living in foster care are sexually abused

These statistics to me were very alarming. We watched a video of a child who was sexually abused by her own father (how sad is that??) and then was placed into foster care after she told her teacher at school one day. So many of these kids never tell anyone so no one even knows, just so sad to hear and so sad some of these kids dont know a difference.

They were also telling the story of a kid who was 2 or 3 yrs old and pleasured himself until he bled. I just couldnt fathom at such a young age but these kids who are sexually abused do things like that. It just really breaks my hurt to even think about such a thing. It really made me also realize that adoption is the way if we can take just one kid out of bad situation like that then thats one less kid.

Tonight will be our 4th class, then we will have our 5th class next Tuesday which supposedly is dealing with adoption in great detail so Im looking forward to it. Then we have to go through CPR training, then home study then we will be done and ready to adopt..yeah!

In other news, Im really surprised how fast this cycle for me is going by guess Ive tried to take my mind off of it but already on day 11, where did the time go?! Ive also experienced something weird and not sure if anyone else has experienced if so please share but Im not taking Clomid this month but still seem to be experiencing some hot/cold flashes. I thought I was done with these but I guess not. Granted they are not nearly as bad but its just odd.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day and hopefully everyone had the day off yesterday:)

Isaiah 30:18
Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Thought I would post this verse for today its so hard to wait so long but hopefully one day we will get our miracle that we have been waiting so long for!

We had a pretty good weekend in Nashville and made me miss it for sure (we lived there for 2 years) but I also know its nice to be closer to our family as well. I also remembered how terrible that 6 hr drive one way was as well.

I found out Saturday (the friend I was talking about a week or so ago) that our friends who had only really been TTC for one month got lucky and are now pg. Why cant everyone get lucky on their first month? While my friend is really a great friend I know its going to be super hard to be around her as well.

Other than that it was nice to just get away enjoy being together and not talking about babies for once. It seems like our conversations always turn towards babies, adopting or just something to do with them.

I did miss our little pup Brownie she stayed with my parents while we were away and got spoiled rotten like usual. I always joke around with my parents and say if you spoil Brownie this much how will you compare to a baby?! Of course there is no telling how bad they will spoil a grandchild one day:)

Today will be a busy day with trying to get all my stuff out of my old school, getting paperwork done for my new school and trying to get everything unpacked, washed from our trip!

Nashville Bound



We are about to head out for Nashville for our 6th anniversary. Hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day. I really cant believe that tomorrow will mark 6 years, its gone by so quickly!

Class # 2 was regarding Seperation and Loss which I found was geared towards adopting older children because they usually are the ones that deal with this more than an infant which is what we want.

For all the newbies-my husband was adopted when he was very young so I think that is why he has always been more open to adoption than me. His mother and father both passed away when he was 7 & 8 but he was taken from his mother when he was young due to a boyfriend beating him almost to death. The guy doing the classes asked him to talk about his experience with adoption for the last class.

We also found out that we will have to do an additional class for CPR to make sure I guess we can perform such duties if we had to.

New Info to me...
-found out that once a parents parental rights are surrendered there is nothing that a parent can do to get them back
-some families who adopt want to have contact with the birthparent and allow visitations to see the child (not sure how I feel about this because to some kids it could bring back hurtful memories that their parent left them)
-in MS a parent has 72 hrs to reverse their decision regarding having their baby adopted
-Home study is done usually within 30 days (thats the timeframe they like to meet), home study takes about 2-3 hrs they stated because they have to inspect your home and also you have to fill out a ton more paperwork as well.
-stated that a child can be placed a day after the home study is completed which of course I must admit I turned to Chad and thought holy cow if all that happens and home study is completed by early July we could have a child in July thats not much time. Of course we would make it work and would love the child but that was just a wow moment I couldnt believe it would be that quick.

Again if anyone has questions or any comments please share.

What a day, what a day. School is officially over and done with until August...yeah! The life of a teacher...

Ill just try to touch on the highlights of our meeting last night but first must say how overwhelming it was. Ive never been given so much paperwork and we will have to have it all completed by the end of the class. The paperwork included things such as 5 letters of recommendation, how we are to discipline our kids (how can we really know this??), employment verification, our entire life history (our parents, relationships, what we remember good and bad about growing up and why). There are a few more but I cant seem to remember them all now.

The meeting lasted the entire 3 hrs pretty much I think we were let out about 5 min early. We covered so much material! I did find it interesting that our class consisted of 3 couples + us + 3 single women. The single women I kind of have a problem with (well 2 of them) because they are just looking to collect another welfare check and get another kid. This issue really just burns me up to no end but Ill stop there with it.

We watched two videos (one about adoption/fostering), another about the benefits of being a foster parent. The videos were very old and seemed way out of date I must admit but it did relay the message.

The part I did not care for about this meeting was it was geared heavily towards fostering which we are not interested in so to some extent the class was almost boring. Most of the people were not interested in fostering either so Im not sure why it was so heavily geared towards fostering. I walked away from the meeting not learning a ton about adoption but learning a good bit about fostering.

I did feel good about our chances though of adopting if the people that were in our class are what we are competing against. 2 of the 3 couples were a lot older than us, and the other was a bit older, then you have the 3 single women as well.

Things I learned
-telephone service (we have cell phones but the guy running the class said it has to be a land line, don't quite get this)
-it is highly recommended you only have one adoption application at a time
-you can not have even an infant stay in the same room as you, they must have their own room
-state will only allow you to have 5 kids (one couple has 4 kids and they wanted to adopt 2 and they said the max was 5)
-how can you lay out a specific plan for a child you do not have such as chores, money, etc.
Seems like there is some other things but cant think of it now.

Also figured out that the people running the class just seem so disorganized. After hearing stories though from the two that were doing the class it really made me realize why we are going through adoption, its so sad to hear and truly breaks my heart.

Thought this was interesting that for the state and adoption they place a parent to a child and at an agency its the reversed.

Hopefully tonight will be geared towards adoption and not fostering Im hoping. Last night was very frustrating to drive over an hour to hear about fostering practically for almost 3 hrs.

Any questions please ask away I know there are some things that I have left out, it was just so overwhelming to sit through that class and see everything and I know I cant remember everything.

Our next class is in less than 3 hrs, seems like this day has flown by

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut and Im not too fond of it at all, the girl that cuts my hair usually does a fantastic job but yesterday I guess she just had an off day. I asked her to cut it to my shoulder and she cut it right below my ear. Hair grows thank goodness because its just not me at all. Ill try to post a picture of it soon.

Tonight we start adoption classes Im anxious to get some more information about it. Each class is 3 hrs long so we should at least get a good bit of info. The classes are as following:
Wed, May 20-Teamwork and the Children Served
Thurs, May 21-Separation and Attachment

Wed, May 27-Developmental Stages
Thurs, May 28-Behavior Management

Tues, June 2-Permanent Connections

Hopefully we will get lots of information tonight Ive been quite anxious for this day now for well ever since I got the letter. I feel like we are so not in the know about all this stuff with the adoption and know very little.



Im going to get my haircut in a few hours and cant decide for the life of me which one would look good on me. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Dont want anything really drastic but do want it cut a bit Ive decided. Style 1, 2, 3, or 4?
Original ole me...











CD1- Why?

Psalm 39:7
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

What a great reminder even on the first day of a new cycle. My hope is in him I just need to learn patience because it gets tougher and tougher each month.

As you can see from the title AF found me late yesterday and I keep asking the question why God? Why do we have to go through so much pain for a child? I honestly dont get it at all but sometimes things arent always so clear and here is a perfect example of it.

A few hours after I posted I went to the bathroom and AF was here in full bloom no denying it at all. I cried my eyes out I think it gets tougher and tougher each month for her to pay me a visit, especially this month. Im glad to have such a wonderful husband that wrapped his arms around me and said when God is ready for us to have a baby we will have one. Its tough but God will get us through it. I really dont know what I would do without him, hes truly wonderful!

Then after all this we went to watch the Office and if that wasnt a kick in the stomach I dont know what was. Pam & Jim are having a baby (seemed as though unexpected). If its so easy on TV why cant it be so easy in real life?! Of course that sent more tears streaming...

I think that we both have felt led to adopt for some time and this is the reassurance as much as it wasnt the reassurance we wanted though.

A few questions to answer up if anyone is curious
1. Will we do another IUI cycle? Not at this time we have shelled out so much $$ for doctors, procedures and nothing has happened. We are going to leave it in Gods hands and if its meant for us to have a baby we will but only in his will.

2. Will we ever do IVF? No, I just couldnt fathom doing this with as much $ as it costs with no guarantees.

3. Will we be doing Clomid this month? No, just need a break from it. The hot flashes and all that other fun stuff that makes me dread this medicine

4. Will I still continue to take the cabergoline (generic for dostinex)? Yes, want to make sure that my prolactin is still regulated. Dont really mind taking this medicine because I have really had no side effects of it.

5. Will I get my tubes checked to make sure there are no blockages? depends on if insurance will pay for it or not. If it will, probably so because we have already met our deductible for this year already due to all the expenses (really due to the MRI to check for the pituitary tumor)

6. Do you have any fears of adoption? yes, absolutely! My biggest fear with adoption is the thought of being chosen and then a birthmother changing her mind. I know that this is the way God is leading us so we will trust him.

If you have any other questions please let me know.

2 Chronicles 20:12
O our God, will you not execute judgment on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. I have found numerous verses and have saved quite a few and will share as the days go along but this verse just really had great meaning today for some reason. Is it not true for those who have IF problems as we have that it is a great horde or something we dont want. We should set our eyes upon God and trust his great ways. Only God knows what to do, not us.

Today we went to lunch with some friends at church who have two young children, one whom is 5 mths old. As I sat there I honestly kept thinking how i wish we could just have a baby. I was then reminded that God has great things in store for us, we dont know what that is or when it will be but I have faith God will bring us out of this and hopefully with a little baby that will be worth the long wait whether it be naturally or through adoption.

Im really anxious for this week because it will tell a lot of things...whether we want to go through the state for adoption or Bethany (the classes we are going through are through the state), whether IUI worked or not. My dear sweet husband asked me yesterday so when can you test I hope this is it for us. I told him I really dont know when I want to test Im trying to wait it out as long as possible. He also couldnt believe that tomorrow will mark CD 28 which normally means AF is usually here by then or some sign of her.

Im trying not to read into signs or symptoms because I feel like Ive read into some in months past and really got my hopes up but anyway Ive been extremely nauseous for the past few days, I ended up having to get Sprite to help my stomach a little which helps some or at least for a little while, Ive been extremely tired and feel like always wanting to go to sleep but this could also happen if AF comes too because Im always so much more tired, & bad headaches. So not sure what all this really means well see sometime this week. Either if AF arrives or if I get BFP which if AF still hasnt come by Thursday Ill probably test but Im a little nervous to test as well so please send some prayers our way.

I was thinking this morning how busy this week is going to be..
Monday-season finale of 24, any other watchers out there?
Tuesday-getting my hair cut (still need to figure this out), Chads softball game
Wednesday-adoption class (3 hrs)
Thursday-adoption class (3 hrs), end of school, if AF hasnt arrived will test
Friday-pack for trip to nashville
Saturday, Sunday, Monday-heading to Nashville
Sunday-6 year anniversary

Hopefully this week will be a great week!

Picture

Just thought I would drop off a picture taken from Mothers Day, I definitely feel the flub for sure. I think all my WG is all in my stomach

From l-r (me, brother-BJ-21, other brother-Austin-12, mom, grandmother)


Im also going to get my hair cut on Tuesday Im trying to decide whether to get it chopped off or a trim, any ideas? Remember Im in MS where the humidity is terrible! Usually I get it all chopped off during the summer but if I do that I want to find something cute

TGIF!

Isnt everyone glad its almost the weekend?! This has been an incredibly long week for me with school (trying to finish up) and it seems like anything and everything else.

Next week will be a much better week I think. Wednesday we have our first adoption class, Thursday will be the second (two days in a row). The classes are 3 hrs long each so we will have 6 hrs behind us once those two are over with and have 3 left, 2 the following week, and then one the next. Im actually really looking forward to learning more information about adoption because I honestly dont know much at all. Thursday will also mark the last day of school as well.

I think Ive also decided to wait it out to test until Thursday. If AF still hasnt come by Thursday then I would feel pretty good about things since that would be CD 31 and depending on when I O, it would put me at about 12-16 DPO which I have honestly never made it past 9 DPO. So Thursday seems like it could mark a big day, well see.

Yesterday afternoon me, my mom and brother went out to the local flea market for our area that happens twice a year and they had so many cute clothes for baby and so many cute things for kids nurseries as well. It was kind of sad to know that I wotn be buying that stuff anytime soon. I was also shocked to see the sticker price on some of that stuff as well, yikes I could go buy some Polo stuff for as much as that stuff cost! My mom did say she thinks we will have a girl because she knows I would love a little girl. Honestly I would take either and be happy with either as well. Maybe one day Ill be able to go back there and get some of that cute stuff..one day...

Then last night hubby had a softball game and one of the guys that plays on the teams wife also comes to all the games (good to have someone to talk to!) Well last week another one of the wives asked both of us when we would be having a baby. Isnt this the famous line you absolutely hate?? Ive come to really dread this question. Well we both said that we were trying. I had no idea they were and was rather shocked but was kind of excited to have a close friend to talk about things with. Well last night she asked me a ton of questions about tracking your fertility, all these little things dealing with getting pg and I shared kind of our story too. She was saying that she is on day 38 and is trying to figure out if she was pg or just irregular periods. A part of me would be really excited for her to be pg but the other part of me would be a bit jealous that she could get pg after one month.

Tonight is graduation for all the seniors its kind of bitter sweet. Its amazing how these kids have grown and truly amazing to see the difference between even one year. It will be the last time I see some of them, of course some I will see at Mississippi State games since we are big MSU fans.

Hope you girls have a great weekend and a great Friday!

Adoption Places

Thought this was rather interesting regarding Adoption places (thanks for the info on Adopthelp.com!)

Adopt Help
BBB rating: A+
Business Start Date: 8/15/1995
Couldnt find really anything wrong with it
Consumer ratings

Adoption Network (place that called yesterday-rude person!)
BBB rating: B-
Business Start Date: 7/7/2007 (hasnt even been in existence for 2 years!)
Numerous complaints about the company and some said their 4 mth average is not true either. They also had some that complained that the services were never granted and they could not get a refund.
Stay away from these people!
Consumer ratings

Bethany Christian Services
BBB Rating: B-
Business Start Date: does not list
No complaints or info regarding this one, interesting they received the same rating with no complains as Adoption Network
consumer ratings

If you want to look at any other company here is the link:

Top 20 agencies according to this site (not in any particular order)
1)Hopscotch Adoptions Inc
2)About A Child
3)Little Bit of Heaven Adoption Agency
4)Spence Chapin
5)Happy Families International Center
6)Aurora International Adoption
7)Catholic Social Services of North Carolina
8)Partners for Adoption
9)AAI Adoptions and Aid International
10)Adopt Help Law Center
11)Adoption Center of San Diego
12)All God's Children
13)Heart of Adoptions
14)New Horizons Adoption Agency
15)AAA Partners in Adoption
16)Adoption Access
17)Adoption Choices
18)Adoption Services Associates
19)Adoptions Plus
20)Alaska International Adoption

Ones listed with BBB that have an A+
1) A is 4 Adoption
2)A-W Friendship Homes, Inc.
3)AdoptHelp, Inc.
4)Adoption Consultants, Inc.
5)Adoptions Unlimited, Inc.
6)Independent Adoption Center

Several received A-, but saw a few that received D and F, yikes thats pretty scary to think of. Just thought I would share my findings it was really interesting to see these places that we maybe getting a child from, wish the state had this as well.

A while back we pretty much requested information from a bunch of adoption agencies just wanted to see different fees, what was offered and what the difference was.

Well I got a call back from a very rude and hateful woman from Adoption Network today by the name of Suzie. I called just seeing what they were all about and such. I kept asking her the question what is the fee, she could never answer my question and she got really offended I think because I asked how much it would cost. She then bothered to tell me that obviously she had someone else she had to speak with and if I wanted any further information I had to schedule a phone call "interview" if I wanted anymore information. This woman was just downright hateful, hateful might not be the word for it.

The last thing I said to her was I would not be interested in a company that could treat their customers with such disrespect as you have, she said fine and hung up.

Quite frankly Im in shock that an Adoption place could be so hateful. If anyone ever thinks of Adoption, do not use Adoption Network how rude she was.

Then in other news it seems like all this stuff with the RE doctor adds up so quickly, I have to pay another whopping amount due to our stupid no good insurance not covering anything and I just paid a good bit last week when I went. Not that we dont have the money in savings but I would like to keep some in there. When does the road end.

To say the least its been a tough afternoon...maybe tomorrow will be better!

Hope

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

I love finding verses and have truly realized that verses help me through the tough times to remember that we are not alone God is with us each step of the way regardless if he gives us what he wants at the time we want or not. God has a perfect plan for us and I have to have faith that we will win this battle whether we adopt or God blesses us with a miracle with our blood. Ill be happy with each one but believe me its something Ive really had to pray about.

Why might you ask? I was always against adoption sure I thought people are great for adopting I never looked down on anyone who did but for me I was very selfish and told myself, husband and anyone around that I had to be pg, God could not possibly not let me have one of our own could he? Well God has really been speaking to both of us and its required a lot of prayers to even get me to fill out a application. Now Im excited but of course seem to have a guard up because I worry about well too many things but again well see what God has in store for us.

Yesterday when I got home I went to check the mail and found a newsletter from Stepping Stones. For anyone who is not familiar with it, its a organization through Bethany (Adoption service) that ministers to women who are suffering with infertility, here is the site for anyone interested. It really gave me hope to hear stories and just really an inspiration. Its a free service.

Tonight me and hubby went swimming with my family (2 brothers-21, & 12), mom, dad, and my brothers gf. I honestly cant say how rewarding that was, I forgot truly how much I love swimming and how much I needed that to relax take the stress out of everything (most importantly TTC-it can be so stressful!). Maybe I will remember that and go over to my parents and swim some more laps and get in really good shape and lose those last stubborn 30 lbs!

So anyway all this to say I truly feel so hopeful, hopefully the week to come will be ok. A week from today I can test but honestly think I will wait a while maybe till Thursday. Wednesday, and Thursday we have the adoption classes and I hope I learn some info about it because I honestly dont know much about the topic.

Last, I just realized that in only 5 days I have had 127 visitors, wow I feel so blessed to have so many amazing women reading along, thank you for your support it really does help! If I havent been to your blog can you please leave a comment and post your blog address and Ill come stop by!

Hope you girls are having a great week, Im finishing up with the last few days with my classes so it seems like it will be a partly busy rest of the week with finalizing all the final exams for all my classes, getting all grades in and then deep cleaning all that stuff. All I have to say though is May 21 is the last day of school I cant wait!

James 4:2 and Mark 11:24
Yet you do not have because you do not ask. Therefore, I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you recieve them, and you will have them.

2 Chronicles 20:12
O our God, will you not execute judgment on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.

2 Chronicles 20:15
And he said, "Listen, all Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: Thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s.

2 Chronicles 20:17
You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.' Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the LORD will be with you.

Deuteronomy 28:1
And if you faithfully obey the voice of the LORD your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth

Ephesians 1:4-6
4even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Isaiah 30:1
Ah,stubborn children," declares the LORD, "who carry out a plan, but not mine,and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit,that they may add sin to sin;

Isaiah 30:18
Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Isaiah 33:2
O LORD, be gracious to us; we wait for you.Be our arm every morning,our salvation in the time of trouble.

Isaiah 40:31
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

Lamentations 3:25
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,to the soul who seeks him.

Mark 11:23
Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.

Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 19:26..great verse to remember we are not in control...
But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Matthew 21:21
And Jesus answered them, "Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' it will happen.

Matthew 21:22
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.

Micah 7:7
But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation;my God will hear me.

1 Peter 5:7
Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

Philippians 2:13
For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what He pleases.

Phil. 4:6-7.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 25:2
my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage;wait for the LORD!

Psalm 33:20
Our soul waits for the LORD;he is our help and our shield.

Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,over the man who carries out evil devices!

Psalm 38:15
But for you, O LORD, do I wait;it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.

Psalm 39:7
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

Psalm 56:4
In God, whose word I praise,in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Psalm 62:5
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,for my hope is from him.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,and in his word I hope

Romans 8:19
For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.

Romans 8:23
And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope,be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Quotes
  • A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. John Lennon
  • Everything is clearer when you're in love. John Lennon
  • Reality leaves a lot to the imagination. John Lennon
  • There's nothing you can know that isn't known. John Lennon
  • Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. John Lennon
  • You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are! John Lennon
    • If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. George Patton
  • All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. Walt Disney
  • God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame. Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  • Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies. Mother Teresa
  • I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness. Mother Teresa
  • Have faith in God; God has faith in you. Edwin Louis Cole
  • Your faithfulness makes you trustworthy to God. Edwin Louis Cole
http://www.desiringgod.org/AboutUs/MonthlyNewsletter/2006_11/

Next Week

This week has taken forever and then it seems like the days are getting longer and longer for the wait. The long wait to either see a BFN or BFP, what does God have in store for us? To either be parents or wait and yet another month go by waiting for Gods perfect plan for us to see when we will be parents, hopefully sooner rather than later. I know God has a perfect plan for us though no matter how long the wait maybe.

The nurse told me last week that if I dont get AF by May 19 to test to see if I get a BFP or BFN. May 19 would be CD 29 but not sure how many DPO due to my screwed up fertility monitor. I know I at least O but CD 19 which would be 10 DPO at the latest but could have been earlier too. The only reason I know this is because all my hot flashes I noticed were gone by CD 19 which is a definite giveaway that I O.

Of course I must admit I am absolutely terrified to test just to see the same thing Ive always seen BFN. Maybe I will see something differently but when you have seen a BFN so many times it seems as though you get used to the results and think you will always see the same thing.

For the pain in the left side-the only thing I can come up with is implamantation. Not sure if thats what it is but it sure was painful!

A great verse I found today and it helps to know that our plans even though its what we want, its not always what God has in store for us. How perfect of a verse is this?

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Mothers Day

Today is a wonderful celebration of all the Mothers of the world including my own mother and grandmother. It should be a big celebration for us but unfortunately its a day of remembering that we are still waiting on our miracle.

Last night I went out to get an additional little gift for my mom and when I checked out the lady said "Hope you have a wonderful Mothers day". My heart just sunk as I heard those words knowing that the only mother I am is to our cute little pomeranian.

Last night after returning from the store I got this very sharp pain in my lower left side, I was almost in tears it hurt so bad. Not sure exactly what this means but maybe its good. Its a pain Ive never had through the months of TTC so maybe its a sign in the right direction. If anyone has had the same pain or knows anything about it please share your information because Im clueless.

Happy Mothers day to all of you mothers who are celebrating with your blessings from the Lord. I hope that next year we will be able to celebrate as well on this truly wonderful day.

Here is a wonderful verse that Tiffany Pifer posted, how true is this?....1 Peter 5:7 Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

Adoption

Adoption is something that me and hubby both have decided that we would do one day we said that we would have one of our own (if God allows it) and then hopefully adopt another one.

In Mid April we filled out our paperwork for adoption knowing that it could take up to 2 years so why not go ahead and get the ball rolling to see what happens.

We also filled out an application with Bethany as well at the very beginning of this month because our pastor is on the board at Bethany.

For a little update-Bethany has approved us with everything we turned in and now we just wait and have to attend a meeting to get final approval.

State-We got approved for that as well and got our paperwork today for our 5 classes we have to attend. They will be May 20, 21, 27, 28, and June 2 from 5:30-8:30. The only bad part is its about an hour from our house but well manage.

We are praying that whatever God wants for us that he will help set our path whether it be adoption or one of our own.

If anyone has any experiences with Adoption I would really love to hear it, good or bad. Chads uncle and his wife adopted a little girl and she is precious thats what really got us thinking about the whole adoption idea.

Also, for the baby shower for anyone interested it went ok, it was a short shower so at least I didnt have to sit and think too long about everything.

Thanks to so many of you that have stopped by, I hope this is a short journey but also feel like it will be a long battle but hopefully we will get our miracle soon!

Today is a day that Ive been dreading for some time, a baby shower for a co-worker. I honestly have resisted going to a baby shower anytime anyone has had one that Ive known. Ive come up with excuses or even sometimes really had stuff to do. Well since its at school (yes Im a teacher!) and I really cant resisit this one.

This girl that is a co-worker when she found out she was pg pretty much said that she couldnt believe that God would give her a kid, she had a long list of why she didnt want a kid and even told all her family that they were not having kids and to deal with it and then she had a baby. How is it that people that want to have a kid sometimes cant have them but yet people like her can, its really not fair at all I think. Its also harder to buy a gift and go to a baby store (such as Babies R us) knowing that you have not been so fortunate and someone who doesnt want a kid can.

IUI-for any of you that have had an IUI have you experienced major bloating, nausea, and diahrea? Just wondering whats up because these three things have been rough. Would love to hear from anyone who has had one and if these are normal or if I need to be concerned.

Also has anybody ever had any problems out of the fertility monitor. We bought one a few months back and never had any problems with it but last month I got all high and then this month has proved to be the same way. At first I didnt think I had O but then I went to test my progesterone and it was 20 so I clearly O.

In other news-I cant believe I only have 10 days left of school I cant believe the school year has gone by so quickly. Now that most of my seniors are gone I only have 2 out of my 6 classes and out of those 2 classes that I have left there will be a ton out today for a field day.

First Post

Im finally starting a TTC blog after what has been a difficult first year of it with no luck.

My name is Amber and hubby is Chad. I am 28 and he will be 30 in September. We were married May 24, 2003. On our 5 year anniversary we decided it was time to start a family after we have completed our moving around from Starkville to Nashville and then back home to be closer to family. We have one little pomeranian, Brownie who is 5 1/2 that is very spoiled.

Here is a link to my chart for anyone to look at.I have been on Clomid for 6 mths started at 50 mg, then moved to 75 mg then to 100 mg.

We began to see a RE on Feb. 11, 2009 to see what we could do. Our first month of testing it was discovered that my prolactin was very elevated and I went in for an MRI to determine that I had a pituitary tumor which scared me to no end to hear the words "tumor" I have been on cabergoline (generic for dostinex) to help bring my prolactin back to a normal range. I went back to get retested last month and the medicine is working but with still no luck. On top of this I also have found out through testing with OPK's and charting that I had a very short luteal phase which has increased some but not enough to bring it to a normal stage (11-12 DPO).

The other problem we are experiencing (not that I dont already have enough wrong with me) is that Chad has a lower sperm count at 13 million, not impossible but lower than what it should be.

Two days ago we did our very first IUI and are hoping that it works. I went for an ultrasound Monday and had 6 follicles so hopefully just one of those will help to get us a baby of our dreams.

I look forward to keeping this up to date and will be posting more information soon. Hopefully I will meet some others so that I dont feel like the only one that cant have a baby.

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