I hope everyone has had a great weekend! We have had a wonderful weekend with tons of relaxing and sleeping in which has been much needed!

The Dawgs (MSU) won their game on Saturday. We have had some really bad seasons the last few years but we got a new coach this year (an assistant from Florida-Dan Mullen) and it was amazing to see so much excitement around campus! We left 5 hrs before the game and couldnt even find a parking place I was truly shocked.

Then we spent the rest of the weekend with Chads family which they are always great, so different from my family:) His grandmother made a fabulous coconut pound cake (added it to my recipes blog if you are interested) that was so amazing but so addicting..haha!

I cant wait for next weekend to get here....off to Auburn and to see my cousin and her family so excited next weekend cant get here soon enough!

Hebrews 11:1 -Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Im so excited that its a 3 day weekend, its MUCH needed! Those of you who are teachers understand it better than anyone does. The first month is so tough getting back into the habit of things so Labor day always comes in handy for sure, its a much anticipated holiday!

Tomorrow is MSU (Mississippi State University) plays JSU and should be lots of fun. We get to meet up with friends and Im sure Ill get to see my brother and his gf as well.

Then we head up to Chads family and spend some time with them. Ahh the love of Labor day and how Im really excited for this weekend, but those weekends we seem to look forward to the most seem to pass quicker than we can blink...haha!

For other things-we have decided to give adoption a rest and maybe one day we will get back into it but right now we are just letting our hearts heal. God has given me a wonderful peace about it all and I know that whatever is meant to happen will happen in Gods will.
"See how very much our heavenly Father loves us, for He allows us to be called His children, and we really are!"
I John 3:1
"For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what He pleases." Philippians 2:13
Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day!

1 week ago today was one of the happiest days of our lives only to end so quickly. I cant believe its really been a whole week. Now we know what it feels to be so excited but at the same time to feel so much at the bottom of the pit too.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Thank you for all the sweet comments, texts, and emails. So many people praying for us makes me feel incredibly blessed! I know one day we will be able to look back on things but right its just really tough.

I really do love searching for bible verses and quotes I have a TON. If anyone wants the list feel free to email me or leave a comment with your email and Ill be happy to email them to you. If enough people do want them Ill just post them here:)

I dont think I could ever really give up on my dream of being a mother but the past 16 or so months have been a real test, well see what God has in store for us.

Isaiah 40:31-but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint.

A great Bible verse-
Deut. 28:1
And if you faithfully obey the voice of the LORD your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth.

Ok I could really go on for days and days there are so many just thought I would share. Is there a quote or verse that you would like to share I always love adding to the list:) Im saving lots of verses and quotes to help me on those days that I really need a reminder that life isnt always peachy its how you rebound to know how strong you really are.

Almost one week and it seems like things have turned around..why you might ask? Its all because God is in control and I have finally turned the situation with my mom over to God and if we are meant to have a normal relationship then God will let it be and if not then Ill learn to accept that. Its a tough situation for sure to deal with especially when you are talking about your own mother but I know God has his hand on the situation. I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can live and survive now without the emotional rollercoaster.

I have also finally turned over our situation to God with having a baby and trust me I still have days I want to take that control back. We are humans and want to have full control over everything we do but we must let God be in the drivers seat. I dont know what road God will take us down to have a child but whatever road it might be I know it will be wonderful.

I have been emailing lots of CA people that have used the ministry and Im just in awe of the women and what a bunch of prayer warriors they are. Women & men sharing their journey to a child, sending verses and again and again I keep getting told "just let god take over the reigns and he will do the rest".

Im human you are human and we all want that full control but after reading story and story over and over God has really laid it on my heart to let that control lie with him and not with us. Tough tough thing but I know God will bring us through this with marvelous things!

Great reminder on the verse today.. we are all his children and hopefully one day we will inherit that beautiful blessing as well:)
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 19:26..great verse to remember we are not in control...
26But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I just want to say a big thank you to all my blog friends who have left comments, sent such sweet emails from people I didnt even know...I just want to let you all know how much you truly mean:)

Sometimes it takes getting to some of your lowest points to realize that there is a way up and hopefully one day we will realize just how blessed we are to hold a precious child in our arms. I cant wait for the day but until I have to learn what patience is and sometimes it is very difficult.

A few verses that I read this morning just to remind me that I really am not on my own. God is with us even when we think he has totally forgotten us and abandon us

1 Peter 5:7
Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

Matthew 21:21
21And Jesus answered them, "Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' it will happen.

Matthew 21:22
22And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive,if you have faith."

Romans 8:25
25But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Mark 11:23
23Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.

Psalm 25:2
2O my God, in you I trust;let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.

Psalm 56:4
4In God, whose word I praise,in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Great reminder on adoption
Ephesians 1:4-6
4even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

I go in a few hours for the follicle check hopefully it will be good news:)

Well we have been doing lots of research with International Adoption and Ive gotten lots of information regarding Russian Adoption and the real costs of it from real people. Its really helped to see the real costs of things. I have also found a TON of blogs for Russian adoption and if anyone is interested please leave a comment with your email address and Ill be happy to email them your way.

Chad & I were talking the other day and he asked me the questions "do you think that God has led us to adoption because of your parents"? Thats a really good question because my parents are really against us adoption and I honestly have never figured it out. Is God trying to teach them that adoption is a beautiful thing that they should rejoice in? I dont know if God is using us to teach them that lesson in life or not but I cant wait to share in the joy of an adopted child. We always said we were going to adopt whether we had one of our own or not.

That being said my mom has just said some really hurtful things lately to me and I really honestly dont want to have anything to do with her. Dont know what she is going through but gosh she has been horrible and so has my dad. Is it bad that I dont want to be around my own parents? They have not ever been the most supportive parents and honestly now Im to a point I dont want to be around people that just bring me down. Adoption is an emotional process with lots of ups and downs and lots of patience and its really tough and my parents are just making it that much harder. They should be the ones to support us and encourage us but unfortunately I dont have those kind of parents.

On the flip side Chads family is truly wonderful and calls all the time to see if we have heard anything. They pray for us each and every day and its just amazing the difference between two families.

On to other things-Friday will be a big day
I go in for my ultrasound Friday morning to see how many follicles and possibly get a HCG shot if things look good.
Then we got the call that we are going to meet with Bethany on Friday afternoon I cant wait! Our pastor (who is on the board) called and got us in..yeah!

On a final note our church puts out a newsletter each week and the verse this week was so perfect. Such a great reminder...
"Do not worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6

Hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day and hopefully everyone had the day off yesterday:)

Isaiah 30:18
Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Thought I would post this verse for today its so hard to wait so long but hopefully one day we will get our miracle that we have been waiting so long for!

We had a pretty good weekend in Nashville and made me miss it for sure (we lived there for 2 years) but I also know its nice to be closer to our family as well. I also remembered how terrible that 6 hr drive one way was as well.

I found out Saturday (the friend I was talking about a week or so ago) that our friends who had only really been TTC for one month got lucky and are now pg. Why cant everyone get lucky on their first month? While my friend is really a great friend I know its going to be super hard to be around her as well.

Other than that it was nice to just get away enjoy being together and not talking about babies for once. It seems like our conversations always turn towards babies, adopting or just something to do with them.

I did miss our little pup Brownie she stayed with my parents while we were away and got spoiled rotten like usual. I always joke around with my parents and say if you spoil Brownie this much how will you compare to a baby?! Of course there is no telling how bad they will spoil a grandchild one day:)

Today will be a busy day with trying to get all my stuff out of my old school, getting paperwork done for my new school and trying to get everything unpacked, washed from our trip!

Psalm 39:7
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

What a great reminder even on the first day of a new cycle. My hope is in him I just need to learn patience because it gets tougher and tougher each month.

As you can see from the title AF found me late yesterday and I keep asking the question why God? Why do we have to go through so much pain for a child? I honestly dont get it at all but sometimes things arent always so clear and here is a perfect example of it.

A few hours after I posted I went to the bathroom and AF was here in full bloom no denying it at all. I cried my eyes out I think it gets tougher and tougher each month for her to pay me a visit, especially this month. Im glad to have such a wonderful husband that wrapped his arms around me and said when God is ready for us to have a baby we will have one. Its tough but God will get us through it. I really dont know what I would do without him, hes truly wonderful!

Then after all this we went to watch the Office and if that wasnt a kick in the stomach I dont know what was. Pam & Jim are having a baby (seemed as though unexpected). If its so easy on TV why cant it be so easy in real life?! Of course that sent more tears streaming...

I think that we both have felt led to adopt for some time and this is the reassurance as much as it wasnt the reassurance we wanted though.

A few questions to answer up if anyone is curious
1. Will we do another IUI cycle? Not at this time we have shelled out so much $$ for doctors, procedures and nothing has happened. We are going to leave it in Gods hands and if its meant for us to have a baby we will but only in his will.

2. Will we ever do IVF? No, I just couldnt fathom doing this with as much $ as it costs with no guarantees.

3. Will we be doing Clomid this month? No, just need a break from it. The hot flashes and all that other fun stuff that makes me dread this medicine

4. Will I still continue to take the cabergoline (generic for dostinex)? Yes, want to make sure that my prolactin is still regulated. Dont really mind taking this medicine because I have really had no side effects of it.

5. Will I get my tubes checked to make sure there are no blockages? depends on if insurance will pay for it or not. If it will, probably so because we have already met our deductible for this year already due to all the expenses (really due to the MRI to check for the pituitary tumor)

6. Do you have any fears of adoption? yes, absolutely! My biggest fear with adoption is the thought of being chosen and then a birthmother changing her mind. I know that this is the way God is leading us so we will trust him.

If you have any other questions please let me know.

2 Chronicles 20:12
O our God, will you not execute judgment on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. I have found numerous verses and have saved quite a few and will share as the days go along but this verse just really had great meaning today for some reason. Is it not true for those who have IF problems as we have that it is a great horde or something we dont want. We should set our eyes upon God and trust his great ways. Only God knows what to do, not us.

Today we went to lunch with some friends at church who have two young children, one whom is 5 mths old. As I sat there I honestly kept thinking how i wish we could just have a baby. I was then reminded that God has great things in store for us, we dont know what that is or when it will be but I have faith God will bring us out of this and hopefully with a little baby that will be worth the long wait whether it be naturally or through adoption.

Im really anxious for this week because it will tell a lot of things...whether we want to go through the state for adoption or Bethany (the classes we are going through are through the state), whether IUI worked or not. My dear sweet husband asked me yesterday so when can you test I hope this is it for us. I told him I really dont know when I want to test Im trying to wait it out as long as possible. He also couldnt believe that tomorrow will mark CD 28 which normally means AF is usually here by then or some sign of her.

Im trying not to read into signs or symptoms because I feel like Ive read into some in months past and really got my hopes up but anyway Ive been extremely nauseous for the past few days, I ended up having to get Sprite to help my stomach a little which helps some or at least for a little while, Ive been extremely tired and feel like always wanting to go to sleep but this could also happen if AF comes too because Im always so much more tired, & bad headaches. So not sure what all this really means well see sometime this week. Either if AF arrives or if I get BFP which if AF still hasnt come by Thursday Ill probably test but Im a little nervous to test as well so please send some prayers our way.

I was thinking this morning how busy this week is going to be..
Monday-season finale of 24, any other watchers out there?
Tuesday-getting my hair cut (still need to figure this out), Chads softball game
Wednesday-adoption class (3 hrs)
Thursday-adoption class (3 hrs), end of school, if AF hasnt arrived will test
Friday-pack for trip to nashville
Saturday, Sunday, Monday-heading to Nashville
Sunday-6 year anniversary

Hopefully this week will be a great week!

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

I love finding verses and have truly realized that verses help me through the tough times to remember that we are not alone God is with us each step of the way regardless if he gives us what he wants at the time we want or not. God has a perfect plan for us and I have to have faith that we will win this battle whether we adopt or God blesses us with a miracle with our blood. Ill be happy with each one but believe me its something Ive really had to pray about.

Why might you ask? I was always against adoption sure I thought people are great for adopting I never looked down on anyone who did but for me I was very selfish and told myself, husband and anyone around that I had to be pg, God could not possibly not let me have one of our own could he? Well God has really been speaking to both of us and its required a lot of prayers to even get me to fill out a application. Now Im excited but of course seem to have a guard up because I worry about well too many things but again well see what God has in store for us.

Yesterday when I got home I went to check the mail and found a newsletter from Stepping Stones. For anyone who is not familiar with it, its a organization through Bethany (Adoption service) that ministers to women who are suffering with infertility, here is the site for anyone interested. It really gave me hope to hear stories and just really an inspiration. Its a free service.

Tonight me and hubby went swimming with my family (2 brothers-21, & 12), mom, dad, and my brothers gf. I honestly cant say how rewarding that was, I forgot truly how much I love swimming and how much I needed that to relax take the stress out of everything (most importantly TTC-it can be so stressful!). Maybe I will remember that and go over to my parents and swim some more laps and get in really good shape and lose those last stubborn 30 lbs!

So anyway all this to say I truly feel so hopeful, hopefully the week to come will be ok. A week from today I can test but honestly think I will wait a while maybe till Thursday. Wednesday, and Thursday we have the adoption classes and I hope I learn some info about it because I honestly dont know much about the topic.

Last, I just realized that in only 5 days I have had 127 visitors, wow I feel so blessed to have so many amazing women reading along, thank you for your support it really does help! If I havent been to your blog can you please leave a comment and post your blog address and Ill come stop by!

Hope you girls are having a great week, Im finishing up with the last few days with my classes so it seems like it will be a partly busy rest of the week with finalizing all the final exams for all my classes, getting all grades in and then deep cleaning all that stuff. All I have to say though is May 21 is the last day of school I cant wait!

This week has taken forever and then it seems like the days are getting longer and longer for the wait. The long wait to either see a BFN or BFP, what does God have in store for us? To either be parents or wait and yet another month go by waiting for Gods perfect plan for us to see when we will be parents, hopefully sooner rather than later. I know God has a perfect plan for us though no matter how long the wait maybe.

The nurse told me last week that if I dont get AF by May 19 to test to see if I get a BFP or BFN. May 19 would be CD 29 but not sure how many DPO due to my screwed up fertility monitor. I know I at least O but CD 19 which would be 10 DPO at the latest but could have been earlier too. The only reason I know this is because all my hot flashes I noticed were gone by CD 19 which is a definite giveaway that I O.

Of course I must admit I am absolutely terrified to test just to see the same thing Ive always seen BFN. Maybe I will see something differently but when you have seen a BFN so many times it seems as though you get used to the results and think you will always see the same thing.

For the pain in the left side-the only thing I can come up with is implamantation. Not sure if thats what it is but it sure was painful!

A great verse I found today and it helps to know that our plans even though its what we want, its not always what God has in store for us. How perfect of a verse is this?

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Today is a wonderful celebration of all the Mothers of the world including my own mother and grandmother. It should be a big celebration for us but unfortunately its a day of remembering that we are still waiting on our miracle.

Last night I went out to get an additional little gift for my mom and when I checked out the lady said "Hope you have a wonderful Mothers day". My heart just sunk as I heard those words knowing that the only mother I am is to our cute little pomeranian.

Last night after returning from the store I got this very sharp pain in my lower left side, I was almost in tears it hurt so bad. Not sure exactly what this means but maybe its good. Its a pain Ive never had through the months of TTC so maybe its a sign in the right direction. If anyone has had the same pain or knows anything about it please share your information because Im clueless.

Happy Mothers day to all of you mothers who are celebrating with your blessings from the Lord. I hope that next year we will be able to celebrate as well on this truly wonderful day.

Here is a wonderful verse that Tiffany Pifer posted, how true is this?....1 Peter 5:7 Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.