What a whirlwind today has been and not anything to what I expected it to be.

Yesterday I prayed to God to give me a clear sign if we were not to do this cycle and start the adoption process. Boy did he give me an answer that equaled to more pain than I could have ever imagined.

This morning around 1:30 I woke up in a little bit of pain, it continually got worst and worst as the morning moved on. I tried to numb the pain or make it better with hot baths, cold rags, pain medicine and none of it did a thing. A few hours later I woke Chad up and said its getting too intense I just cant fit it anymore.

We ended up in the ER room for nearly 3 hours. Ive had a kidney stone before and it was nothing like it. Started in my lower pelvic area, moved right above it. The other two times Ive had a kidney stone they have both started in my back and I was down on the floor in pain within seconds its the most intense pain you could honestly imagine. I also throw up which Ive also never done with a kidney stone which confused me even more.

They did all kinds of tests, CT scans and gave me a IV with fluids because everyone told me I was pale as a ghost and they were very worried I was going to pass out. After doing all the tests and urine sample it came back to a kidney stone. The doctor came in and told me all the possibles (ruptured cyst, ectopic pregnancy, kidney stone) it could be which just freaked me out (at this point I dont know how coherent I was of the amount of pain I was in but somehow I understood her). They gave me a morphine drip which took all the pain away so that was nice but made me loopy for about 9 hrs afterwards. I took a good long nap and I feel like a new person.

So there was no work today, no trip to Destin which is disappointing on the Destin trip but I know its all for the best just in case. we had talked about going down in the morning but I think we are just going to hang out here.

Of course this morning when I didnt show up to my appt at the RE the nurse contacted me to see what happened. Chad emailed her and told her and said we didnt need to go forward until my kidneys are 100%.

Lessons learned...
1) Gods plan is far more perfect than ours and I need to trust him because he has given all signs to adoption so we are going to move forward with that and cancel any fertility stuff.
2) I need to cut the sweet tea out or I will have more (didnt drink it for a while due to my last one, started back and got one...as much as I love sweet tea its not worth the pain!)

Ok after a rough two days I think Destin is sounding better and better:) After my day at work (little over half day) we are heading down there..cant wait!

Please say a little prayer for our dear friends who are having their wedding on the beach on saturday. The weather is saying all rain and I couldnt imagine paying the amount they have to have an indoor wedding so I hope and pray the rain will hold off for them.

We are staying with one of my good friends who I have been friends with for over 20 years. She has two little kiddos who are absolutely precious I cant wait to see them! I know we will have lots of fun we always do and she just got her first house and I know she is so excited so I cant wait to see it:)

Spoke with my RE and I always had in my mind if this cycle didnt work we were done..I mean we have tried just about everything and nothing has worked. Well maybe God had another plan...
Ive been trying to get all the doctors who I have been too in the past 15 mths to put me on some type of progesterone supplement since my luteal phase is so short. They all think that fertility drugs (clomid preferably) has been the answer not progesterone supplements. I know some of you dont think its that big of a deal but my RE.....F-I-N-A-L-L-Y is going to give me a prescription for vaginal supplements. Maybe this isnt a big deal to anyone else but its a huge deal to me. Do you know how long I have waited to even have a true shot of getting pg...we will see what happens...so I say if this doesnt work out we are done..over and moving on to fully adoption. Then I know we have tried everything and God has a different route for us.

Plan of Action this month..final month...
1) Go in tomorrow morning (too early-since work starts back tomorrow) to get my FSH and prolactin levels tested again. Not sure when I will get my results back. Ive been on cabergoline since March due to a very elevated prolactin
2) increase dose of Femara to 5 mg
3) ultrasound on day 14 (Aug. 12-my brothers birthday) and do an HCG shot
4) vaginal progesterone supplement that will start the day I go in for ultrasound (so excited about this step!)

Anyone had a vaginal progesterone supplement so I know what to expect?? Any side effects, etc.??

we are going to start working on our dear birthmother letter this month and if it doesnt work Im really ok with it but I guess I just want to know Ive given it my all that Im willing to try.

Less than 24 hrs we will be in Destin!!! Have a great weekend!


So this morning came my worst enemy...AF...making it one of my shortest luteal phases. My doctor that the HCG shot would lengthen my luteal phase but its only shortened it.

Im just frustrated that my body seems to cooperate and do fine until that 8-10 DPO and it cant be normal. No doctor has really ever been able to solve the problem of lengthening my luteal phase. Well I should take that back my first OB-GYN put me on Clomid which allowed it to go from 5 DPO to 9 DPO and its really never been longer. No doctor can make it longer than 9 DPO...

Its almost like this is a no brainer and I would think would be able to be fixed without much but it doesnt seem to be that easy I guess.

Then to make it better my cycle days are getting shorter too..
This cycle was only 24 days..I mean really cant I catch a break..at least let me go 28 days so I at least dont have to see you so often...
last month was 23 days....
26 days month before

I would rather ovulate later and have a longer cycle then O sooner. Im just frustrated and feel like pulling out my hair because its like the issue really has never been resolved.

Ive been taking B6-200mg for the past 2 mths (2 of my shortest cycles) which is supposed to lengthen my luteal phase and its only shortened my cycle days. No more B6 thats for sure.

I mean couldnt AF hold off until after we got back from Destin...guess that would have been too much to ask for...

Anyone who has dealt with a short luteal phase have any suggestions??

It just seemed like today was not my day or maybe God was just trying to give us a clear path.

1)Got my progesterone back and it was only 8.2 at 8 DPO.
I never in a million years expected it to be that low. I mean even the nurse said my doctor didnt even quite understand. I mean my follicle sizes grew great, I got a HCG shot, my progesterone with clomid has been great why so low? My heart just sunk and yes tears begun. No one can seem to understand my body. I respond fine to any type of meds, my progesterone has always been high so why cant we have a child?? I have never been tested at 8DPO its been anywhere from 3 DPO to 7 DPO. Is that one day mean something? Im clueless...
I think God was just trying to give me a clear answer that adoption is for us but I must admit my heart has not sunk over news like this in a while.

2) My parents were supposed to keep our little puppy Brownie this weekend they always do. Well my mom texts me (cant even call me) and says that I need to make other arrangements for Brownie that they arent keeping her. Pissed was an understatement because now I have to get additional shots for her, spend more at a boarding place because everyone was booked due to everyone making one last vacation before school starts that cost us over double the price it should have...this is just one more addition of my parents and the book I need to write on their crap. She has known about this for a while why wait until a few days before we leave to say anything?? Dont worry she wont be keeping her anymore if we go somewhere we will be booking her at the place that everyone recommends around here but of course she couldnt get in because they were already booked. Oh then lets add that I cant pick my poor puppy up on Sunday I have to wait until Monday to get her....

3) Then to end the day..Chads Explorer died and went up into smoke..his Explorer is not even that old either. He had to get it towed so we are hoping its nothing too major

Maybe just maybe something can go right...ugh what a frustrating day...

Yesterday I went to a local International Adoption Meeting and came to the conclusion that obviously I have done a ton of research and knew most things that were told which I must admit made me feel good that my research really is paying off.

Things that I learned/some that I knew
-Hong Kong only does special needs kids
-top 2 countries are China and Russia
-China has a 4 year waiting period. Why? They only allow one child per family member and do not have enough workers there to get the paperwork completed
-some countries require a long time to travel (Kazakhstan-6 to 7 wks, Ukraine-7 to 8 wks, Colombia-6 to 8 wks)
-Soouth Korea has only 5 states in the US that will allow you to adopt a healthy, normal child, the other 45 states have to adopt a child with special needs
-Haiti likes to adopt only Christian families but require parents to be 30 yrs and will not budge on it
-most countries have very limited info about the child and birthparents and you have to accept it.

Process for International Adoption...could be a little different through different agencies
1) Information Meeting
2) Pre-Application
3) Formal contract & Application
4) Immigration Process
5)Home Study (2-3 mths)
6) Dossier
7) Referral
8) Travel
9)Post-Placement Reports (Russia requires 5 visits over a 2 year period)
10) Citizenship

went in for my progesterone test this morning and should know something by this afternoon sometime...
-adoptions arent final until 6 mths after you return home (could be different in other states)
-most countries will not allow you to adopt another child without a year between the kids

Busy week

This week is quite a week but I love staying busy I must admit also

Last night we went to go take our professional pictures with our dear friend. Well it looked like it was fixing to storm but it was the only night either one of us didnt have something going on. Well I prayed really hard to please Lord just let the rain hold off until we get a few pictures so we will have one for our profile if you want us to adopt. Well wouldnt you know it the rain held off and just about the time our friend put his camera up it started raining. God is good and gave us a clear sign of adoption. The rain held off and we got some great pictures I think. Just waiting to see the final pictures!

Tonight is the International Adoption meeting to see if we are interested or not and get some more info

Wednesday is getting my progesterone tested to see if we even have a chance of being pg. I would be excited of course if we were, but if not we are going to go forward with CA and get things ready for it.

Thursday-have to take Brownie to get her yearly shots

Friday-start back with school, have a shorter day and orientation and all that fun stuff.

After the training and all that jazz we are heading to Destin for the weekend I cant wait! One of our good friends is getting married this weekend. I just hope the rain holds off for them because according to the weather its supposed to rain all weekend long.

Well thats our crazy week for ya. Next week is the start back to school in full for teachers, then the following Monday (Aug. 10) kids come back..my summer is slowly coming to a stop. Im ready to go back but then again I kind of will miss sleeping in too so its a bittersweet moment...

This is a list that I have compiled over the past few weeks. Not sure how many are considering Russian Adoption but if so here is a list of people that are going through the process/have already adopted. Some information was on blogs and some was not listed. I have also listed a link to this post on the side for anyone who wants to go back at a later date. If you have anyone that I have missed please leave a comment and I will get them added.
Also information on how it all works.

Common Abbreviations
  • CSS= Catholic Social Services
  • 171H= Official permission to bring child/children into the country. NOTHING happens until this paper is in your hot little hand, Notice of Favorable Determination Concerning Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition
  • I 600A= Form requesting permission for us to bring a child/children into the country to adopt and become a citizen, Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition
  • MOE = Ministry of Education (in Russia)
  • PAP= Potential Adoptive Parent
  • CHI=Children's Hope International
  • IA= International Adoption
  • Paper Chase - Collecting documents needed for the HS, Dossier, I600A and I171H
  • HS - Home Study
  • SW - Social Worker (person doing our HS)
  • Dossier - Legal documents requested by Russia (birth certs, home study, background checks, marriage license, financial statement, photos, and MUCH more!)
  • Apostille - Legalization of a document for international use
  • USCIS - US Citizenship & Immigration Services
How does the Russian adoption process work?
There are several phases to the adoption process. This is a much simplified summary. I'll break these down into Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, waiting, travel, paperwork, travel and paperwork.

Application to adoption agency - Send an application to adoption agency. This states the basic facts to ensure you are eligible to adopt in a specific country.

Home Study - The home study can be one by the adoption agency if it licensed in your state. You can use a local agency to complete this if your agency in not licensed there. The home study includes several interviews and an inspection of our home. The social worker will create a report to be included in the dossier.

Dossier - The dossier is the package of documents that goes to Russia. This includes the home study and various other letters and document that need to be notarized and apostilled. It is then sent to Russia to be translated and then you are assigned a particular region in Russia where you wait for a referral.

Referral - After the dossier is submitted to Russia, you wait for a child to be assigned to you. The child is assigned based on your request and the child's needs. This is the longest part of the adoption process and can take up to 18 months as of now. Once you receive the referral you will receive a picture and brief medical report. You will have the opportunity to reject the referral if the child has any issues that you could not properly take care of.

Travel, Trip 1 - Once you accept your referral you will arrange for your first trip to Russia. This is a short trip of 6-8 days where you meet the child and request a court date in Russia for the official adoption.

Waiting for Court Date - When you get back to the U.S. you will have to update any dossier documents and get new medical exams. Once a court date is assigned you will arrange travel for the second trip.

Travel, Trip 2 - Trip two will last approximately 3-4 weeks. You will go to meet the child and appear before the Russian court stating your case for adoption. If approved there is a ten-day waiting period and then you can finally pick up your child for good! You then travel to Moscow to have an appointment at the embassy to finalize any citizenship paperwork.

Arrive home, post-placement reports - You will have periodic visits by the social worker so they can send reports back to Russia. This allows the Russian government to keep track of its citizen (child will have dual-citizenship) and also fosters a good relationship between the agencies and future adopters.
Lots of Blogs

Received Child (if more than 1, final adoption date, agency, part of Russia, state live in, adoption length)
http://2008russia.blogspot.com/ (July 08) (Wide Horizons for Children) (Bryansk) (NH) (13 mths)
http://3fromrussia.blogspot.com/ (twins-Kemerovo-Dec. 08 + 2-Rostov-on-Don-2003) (23 mths)
http://adopt2fromrussia.blogspot.com/ (CA)
http://adoptingcolby.blogspot.com/ (Feb. 09) (Wide Horizons) (Kamensk) (17 mths) (CT)
http://adventuretohaylie.blogspot.com/ (Jan. 08) (Kemerovo) (KY)
http://adventureswithbearcub.blogspot.com/ (July 07) (Vladivostok) (FL)
http://a-leapof-faith.blogspot.com/ (Jan. 07) (Lighthouse Adoptions) (Moscow) (CA)
http://babytruestory.blogspot.com/ (May 09) (CHI) (20 mths)
http://cheeriosinmyshorts.blogspot.com/ (April 08) (Catholic Social Services) (CHI-original) (Moscow) (TX) (9mths)
http://chrisanddanica.blogspot.com/ (twins) (Dec. 07) (Alliance for Children) (Perm) (CO)
http://child-of-mine.blogspot.com/ (Aug. 07) (Childrens Hope International) (AL)
http://comeundone.typepad.com/come_undone/ (Alliance for Children) (St. Petersburg) (NY)
http://cravensadoptionstory.blogspot.com/ (May 08) (Catholic Social Services-originally with CHI) (Moscow) (MN) (16 mths)
http://daisraelfamily.blogspot.com/ (Nov. 08) (Childrens Hope International) (Moscow) (FL) (21 mths)
http://finding--emily.blogspot.com/ (April 08) (International Assistance Group) (Moscow) (CA) (6 mths)
http://findingrfamilee.blogspot.com/ (Oct. 08) (Childrens Hope International) (Vladivostok) (UT) (18 mths)
http://goeppneradoption.blogspot.com/ (2) (Feb. 08) (Kras) (FL)
http://ginsbergsrussianadoption.blogspot.com/ (Kemervo) (TN)
http://hearttohome.blogspot.com/ (2), (2004, Nov. 06), (Adoption Options), (Kirov, Murmansk)
http://hishersandours.blogspot.com/ (Aug. 07), (Smolensk), (TX), (25 mths)
http://homesweethome-patti.blogspot.com/ (July 2008), (Astrakhan),(15 mths)
http://janesbiroadoption.blogspot.com/ (2), (Sept. 07), (changed agencies), (Birobidzhan), (TX), (33 mths)
http://jeffanddawn.blogspot.com/ (March 09), (Wide Horizons for Children), (Ekaterinburg), (9 mths)
http://joelandclarion.blogspot.com/ (2), (Sept. 08), (Childrens Hope International), (Vladivostok), (MO)
http://journey2rfamily.blogspot.com/ (3), (2005, 2006, 2008), (Murmansk)
http://journeytohotdog.blogspot.com/ (2), (Jan. 2004, Nov. 2005), (Childrens Hope International), (Astrakhan), (south)
http://journeytomax.blogspot.com/ (June 07), (Agency), (Vladivostok), (SC)
http://journeytoparents.blogspot.com/ (Feb. 08), (Agency), (Novosibirsk), (FL), (10 mths)
http://katiedustin.blogspot.com/ (2), (Mar. 06, June 06), (Kemerovo, Chuvash), (TN)
http://kimabraham.blogspot.com/ (Dec. 08), (Novokuznetsk), (TN), (21 mths)
http://kourifamily.blogspot.com/ (2), (Mar. 2006, Feb. 2008), (AWAA), (Chelyabinsk), (22 mths)
http://laurenandmarco.blogspot.com/ (March 07), (Alliance for Children), (Moscow), (MD), (9 mths)
http://www.lisarenniadoption.blogspot.com/ (2) (Alliance for Children) (Perm) (TX)
http://little-llama.blogspot.com/ (Apr. 2008), (Moscow), (15 mths)
http://markysinzi.blogspot.com/ (Mar. 08), (Catholic Social Services), (Moscow), (AZ), (8 mths)
http://marymargaretmaybe.blogspot.com/ (July 08), (CHI), (St. Petersburg), (TN), (19 mths)
http://mike-mary2russia.blogspot.com/ (Apr. 09), (Agency), (Moscow), (TX)
http://miraculouslyourown.blogspot.com/ (July 09), (Adoption Associates), (Kaliningrad), (MI), (11 mths)
http://nrbfamily.blogspot.com/ (2004), (Final agency-Lighthouse Adoptions), (1st-CHI, 2nd-Adoption Ark) (Novokuznetsk, Kemerovo), (OK)
http://oneal-ourfamilyblog.blogspot.com/ (April 08), (Childrens Hope International), (Tver), (TN) (19 mths)
http://our-journey-to-parenthood.blogspot.com/ (June 07), (Childrens Hope International), (Vladivostok), (12 mths)
http://ourlittlesuperhero.blogspot.com/ (Nov. 07), (Informed Adoption Advocates), (Novosibirsk), (CA), (18 mths)
http://ourrussianangel.blogspot.com/ (May 09), (Ekaterinburg), (CA)
http://ourrussianchildren.blogspot.com/ (more than 1), (July 08), (Moscow), (MI)
http://overstreetjourney.blogspot.com/ (May 09), (CHI), (Vladivostok), (IL), (14 mths)
http://pathtoparenthood.blogspot.com/ (2), (Oct. 08), (CHI-original, Adoption Associates-agency), (Arkhangel'sk), (TX), (10 mths)
http://peteandme.blogspot.com/ (2), (March 09), (Krasnoyarsk), (IL), (17 mths)
http://pisarikadoption.blogspot.com/ (2), (Jan. 07), (Christian World Adoption), (Volgograd), (OK)
http://prudhomme-family.blogspot.com/ (private) (1 + 1 (in process), (2005), (Christian World Adoption), (Volgograd), (MO)
http://rileyadoption.blogspot.com/ (Oct. 07), (Childrens Hope International), (Petrozavodsk), (MN), (10 mths)
http://russianadoptionchronicles.blogspot.com/ (#), (Feb. 08), (Families through International Adoption), (Novokuznetsk), (IN), (15 mths)
http://russianpeanut.blogspot.com/ (July 08), (CHI), (Moscow), (16 mths)
http://siberiabrands.blogspot.com/ (2), (July 08), (Novosibirsk), (WA)
http://smilesandtrials.blogspot.com/ (God's Waiting Children), (CA)
http://solnichkababies.blogspot.com/ (2), (Cradle of Hope Adoption Center), (Khabarovsk), (VA)
http://stacypatandaidan.blogspot.com/ (Apr. 08), (Bethany), (Krasnoyarsk), (VA), (18 mths)
http://thebaersdengrows.blogspot.com/ (Feb. 08), (Adoption Options), (Kirov), (FL), (11 mths)
http://www.thebierbaumsadventure.blogspot.com/ (2), (March 07), (Adoption Options), (Orenburg), (CA), (9 mths)
http://thecareyadventures.blogspot.com/ (3), (Sept. 2003, Mar. 2006, Sept. 2007), (Adoption Options), (Pskov, Samara, Orenburg), (FL), (length)
http://thediapermonologues.blogspot.com/ (Feb. 08), (World Assoc. for Children & Parents), (Vladivostok), (WA)
http://www.thegebhardtfamily.blogspot.com/ (Apr. 08), (Childrens Hope International), (Vladivostok), (IL)
http://www.thejergerjourney.blogspot.com/ (Apr. 08), (America World Adoption), (
Krasnoyarsk), (30 mths)
http://themorganmemo.blogspot.com/ (July 08), (Kids First Adoption Services), (Ekaterinburg), (IN), (14 mths)
http://thesandersfamilyjourney.blogspot.com/ (Apr. 08),(Krasnoyarsk), (TN)
http://thesmiths441.blogspot.com/ (Nov. 08), (Childrens Hope International), (Krasnoyarsk), (NJ), (22 mths)
http://threegirlsandarussianboy.blogspot.com/ (Dec. 08), (Beacon House), (Kemerovo), (13 mths)
http://torussia-withlove.blogspot.com/ (Mar. 09), (Lighthouse Adoptions), (Vladivostok), (MI), (10 mths)
http://tourtobeafamily.blogspot.com/ (May 09), (Adoption Options), (Kirov), (PA)
http://tiger-kar.blogspot.com/ (May 08), (Catholic Social Services-2nd), (VA), (8 mths)
http://trayloradoption.blogspot.com/ (Mar. 09), (Childrens Hope International), (Vladivostok), (FL), (14 mths)
http://vodkaandcaviar.blogspot.com/ (2), (Oct. 05, Mar. 08), (Ekaterinburg, Balashikha), (CT)
http://waldenfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/ (June 09), (Tomsk), (TX), (10 mths)
http://web.mac.com/jmartin7100/Adoption_Site/Welcome.html (2), (Oct. 08), (Childrens Hope International), (Novokuznetsk), (29 mths)
http://www.webchrissy.com/ (May 09), (Adopt a Child),(7 mths)
http://welcomevictor.blogspot.com/ (Nov. 07), (Childrens Hope International), (Vladivostok), (FL), (13 mths)
http://wolffamilyadoption.blogspot.com/ (Nov. 08), (Nizhny Novgorod), (CA)

In Process (# of children, date started, agency used, Region of Russia, state in)
http://2009russia.blogspot.com/ (Jan. 08), (Wide Horizons for Children), (Bryansk), (CT)
http://alexandrafaithkneiding.blogspot.com/ (Aug. 08), (Kaliningrad), (MI)
http://becomingamommy.blogspot.com/ (July 07), (Adoption Associates), (Cheboksary), (NJ)
http://crburbee.blogspot.com/ (Feb. 08), (Izhevsk), (MO)
http://curranadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/ (Aug. 08), (World Association for Children and Parents), (Vladivostok)
http://frogssnailsnpuppydogtails.blogspot.com/ (May 08), (Perm), (Calgary, Alberta)
http://fromtxtorussiawithlove.blogspot.com/ (May 08), (Kaliningrad), (TX)
http://gemsforglory.com/AJCQuest/ (Nov. 07), (America World Adoption)
http://hope-ourbabygirl.blogspot.com/ (Jan. 09), (Lighthouse Adoptions), (FL)
http://jellemasjourney.blogspot.com/ (Oct. 08), (Alberta Child Services), (Vladivostok), (Alberta)
http://juliannalydia.blogspot.com/ (Apr. 08), (FTIA), (adopted 1 from Novokuznetsk in March 07)
http://mattiesbabybrothersisterfromrussia.blogspot.com/ ((World Horizons for Children), (Ekat), (MA)
http://maurailise.blogspot.com/ (Mar. 08), (Kemerova), (MI)
http://merzdn.blogspot.com/ (Gladney Center for Adoption), (Kaluga), (VA)
http://michaelandhunterann.blogspot.com/ (Aug. 08), (Vladivostok), (WA)
http://prudhomme-family.blogspot.com/ (private) (Christian World Adoption), (Volgograd), (MO)
http://pupekfamilyjourney.blogspot.com/ (April 08), (World Horizons for Children), (Yekaterinburg), (NY)
http://steveandkate.wordpress.com/ (Christian World Adoption), (OH)
http://theroadtomax.blogspot.com/ (Aug. 07), (Vladivostok)
http://thesmiths441.blogspot.com/ (Jan. 07), (CHI), (Krasnoyarsk), (NJ)

Blog Templates

Anyone else like to look at new designs for your site? Well I found a pretty good list along my journey and after and thought I would share

Template Mama
Scrap-E-Blog-great designs has baby templates
Scrappin Blogs-has some really good baby ones-including adoption, baby, etc.
HOT bliggity BLOG
Aqua Poppy Designs

Smitten Blog Designs
Shabby Blogs
The Cutest Blog on the Block-think everyone knows of this one
Blogger Template

Web Template Portal
Beautiful Blog Designs-different sites that also have free templates
Gisele Jaquenod
Leelou Blogs-blogs all look alike just different colors
Simply Fabulous
Simply Heather-another that seemed to have same looks
Yummy Lolly

Enjoy! Let me know if there are any others that I have missed also

Well if anyone has visited the past oh 24 hrs you have noticed lots of changes:) Well Im finally done with everything for now at least (no major things)

For the blogs..thanks to those of you who posted I figured out there was an option called following and it brought back almost all of them (I think I have followed everyone) so if you havent already started following the blogs you regularly visit its in your best interest so if you ever lose all your blogs they are all there (no freaking out like I did..haha!)

For anyone wondering about the design of it I did almost everything custom (basic template-then added on). If you dont know HTML and coding I wouldnt recommend it. I guess between me who teaches Web Design and hubby who builds custom stuff for the web we had our hands cut out..haha:)

For anyone curious of our canoeing trip...
1) Im burnt as a lobster thinking that no sunscreen would be ok since we would be under the trees and shade..yeah right
2) We only tipped a few times, and almost drowned just once..lets just say waterfall and we didnt know what we were doing:)
Ill have to post the few pictures I do have sometime soon.


Ok somehow I was messing around with my template and somehow have deleted all the blogs I had..I dont know how I did this.

Need your help to please post your blog link so I can add you back..thanks:) I cant believe I was that big of an idiot to do that...

Help..help...thanks so much:)

Well this weekend will officially be my last weekend before going back for teacher trainings and such because the first training is a week from today (July 31), then the next week will be full week and all the training for teachers then starting Aug. 10 the kids come back. Where has this summer gone? I mean it seemed like just yesterday it was May and I couldnt wait till May 20 came now the school year is starting back up. I always find it amazing how quickly the summer goes but how the school year seems to be a lot slower. We are heading out canoeing tomorrow I cant wait first timer here:)

Well on another note last night we watched Fired up, anyone seen it? Its kind of high schoolish movie but it was pretty cute. Well they had a quote in the movie that is so true.

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. John Lennon

Wow how true is this? How many times has someone told you just stop TTC and relax and it will happen. It all seems to fall under the same tree for sure.

So I had to go look up the exact quote and found a few others hope you enjoy..all by John Lennon
  • A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
  • Everything is clearer when you're in love.
  • Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
  • There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
  • Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
  • You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!

A few other quotes
  • If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. George Patton
  • All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. Walt Disney
  • God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame. Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  • Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies. Mother Teresa
  • I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness. Mother Teresa
  • Have faith in God; God has faith in you. Edwin Louis Cole
  • Your faithfulness makes you trustworthy to God. Edwin Louis Cole

A great Bible verse-
Deut. 28:1
And if you faithfully obey the voice of the LORD your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth.

Ok I could really go on for days and days there are so many just thought I would share. Is there a quote or verse that you would like to share I always love adding to the list:) Im saving lots of verses and quotes to help me on those days that I really need a reminder that life isnt always peachy its how you rebound to know how strong you really are.

Almost one week and it seems like things have turned around..why you might ask? Its all because God is in control and I have finally turned the situation with my mom over to God and if we are meant to have a normal relationship then God will let it be and if not then Ill learn to accept that. Its a tough situation for sure to deal with especially when you are talking about your own mother but I know God has his hand on the situation. I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can live and survive now without the emotional rollercoaster.

I have also finally turned over our situation to God with having a baby and trust me I still have days I want to take that control back. We are humans and want to have full control over everything we do but we must let God be in the drivers seat. I dont know what road God will take us down to have a child but whatever road it might be I know it will be wonderful.

I have been emailing lots of CA people that have used the ministry and Im just in awe of the women and what a bunch of prayer warriors they are. Women & men sharing their journey to a child, sending verses and again and again I keep getting told "just let god take over the reigns and he will do the rest".

Im human you are human and we all want that full control but after reading story and story over and over God has really laid it on my heart to let that control lie with him and not with us. Tough tough thing but I know God will bring us through this with marvelous things!

Great reminder on the verse today.. we are all his children and hopefully one day we will inherit that beautiful blessing as well:)
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 19:26..great verse to remember we are not in control...
26But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I know I have had a lot of newbies and quite a few lurkers too so the topic today is getting to know you.

A few things about us you may or may not know:
-I have two brothers (one is 12, the other is almost 22)
-we are huge Mississippi State fans (not Univ. of MS-thats our rival) and you will get to hear lots more about that come Sept when Football season starts:)
-we have been married since May 2003
-have one little puppy (Pomeranian) named Brownie who is just a little spoiled:)
-I am a high school computer teacher (will be my 3rd year) and hubby is a software engineer at a local school district. We both love our jobs!
-lived in Nashville for 2 years (2005-2007) and dearly miss it but wanted to be close to family so moved back to MS.
-this will be our 15th month TTC
-looking at both domestic and international adoption (Russia). Will probably do domestic first, save some $ and head to Russia in a few years.

So now is your chance feel free to post anything:) I would like to know all those who are following our journey. Do you have any kids, struggle with infertility, looking to adopt, already adopted, what do you do for fun, etc. If there is anything I can pray for you about please share or email me. I look forward to learning more about those who are here. Please post a link to your blog also so I can visit:)

Well I went to the RE and my wonderful doctor was back from vacation I really did miss him:) He just has a way to make you feel so much better and hes always sooo positive about everything no matter if its good or bad news.

So I went for the vaginal ultrasound for the follicle check and I have 2 follicles that are now 20 & 25mm which he said was absolutely perfect I could not have asked for better numbers. I got an HCG shot because he was so pleased and well see what happens. He said I should ovulate anytime in the next 24 hrs or so:) It just made my day. Regardless if we get pg or not I just needed something to go right and hear some good news:)

Then I called CA (Thanks Kellie for all your info!) and the lady that owns it was truly wonderful. I think if it doesnt work out we will definitely go with them. I emailed 49 couples about their program with some questions so hopefully I will receive some answers from people who have used them. It was almost like I had this feeling that Ive never had..the feeling of excitement..the feeling of hope...the feeling that God was trying to tell me you have been trying this on your own, turn it over to me and give me the reigns and lets do this my way and not your way. A feeling I have never had with the state or Bethany.

We called a dear friend of ours who is a photographer and he has been so sweet to take pictures for our online profile I cant wait! Now we are going to start writing our dear birthmother letter so if anyone has any websites, books, blogs, etc that have helped you to create a wonderful birthmother letter please share!!

Im just amazed how you can go from feeling in your darkest and worst moments to being so excited for the future:)


I just want to say a big thank you to all my blog friends who have left comments, sent such sweet emails from people I didnt even know...I just want to let you all know how much you truly mean:)

Sometimes it takes getting to some of your lowest points to realize that there is a way up and hopefully one day we will realize just how blessed we are to hold a precious child in our arms. I cant wait for the day but until I have to learn what patience is and sometimes it is very difficult.

A few verses that I read this morning just to remind me that I really am not on my own. God is with us even when we think he has totally forgotten us and abandon us

1 Peter 5:7
Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

Matthew 21:21
21And Jesus answered them, "Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' it will happen.

Matthew 21:22
22And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive,if you have faith."

Romans 8:25
25But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Mark 11:23
23Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.

Psalm 25:2
2O my God, in you I trust;let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.

Psalm 56:4
4In God, whose word I praise,in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Great reminder on adoption
Ephesians 1:4-6
4even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

I go in a few hours for the follicle check hopefully it will be good news:)

I just read Jennys post and Ive been feeling this way for quite some time.

Why God do people all around me get pregnant with just having sex once?

Why do we have to go down a road that only few do and have such pain doing so?

15 mths of TTC and feeling like we are really no closer than when we started just a lot more out of our wallets with fertility treatments, medicines, needles, and oh that costly MRI I had done just to tell me I had a tumor..just lovely.

Why do I have a family who cant support our decision to adopt and lets us know that as well. Havent we endured enough pain with not being able to have our own kids but yet a family who cant support us too. How much more pain can we endure before giving up all hope of ever having a child?

Why God do people have to charge so much $ for adoption. Isnt there domestic agencies that charge under 15k?

I just dont comprehend how people can get pg in the backseat of a car in their teens and dont want to a kid but yet we would love to have a kid and practically do almost anything to get one but honestly cant do so.

Today we went to a church picnic with so many kids it was crazy (I knew and expected and have gotten to where I can handle it sometimes) but what I wasnt expecting was for a parent who has 3 kids to say she prays God wont give her another kid she already has her hands full enough. Really, seriously? I wish and pray that God would give us even one. Then others saying oh well we are going to have a April/May baby we just need to start TTC and it will happen quickly just like the last. Yeah again how lucky these women are. I just tried to fight through it but that maybe one of the hardest obstacles. How can you truly be so ungrateful for a kid when some people cant even have them?

I guess its just been an emotional rollercoaster and I know that things will get better but some things do set me back like occassions like this...

Maybe one day we will be so blessed to have a child of our own. I pray for the day and cant wait to see we are parents but I think its going to be a long road. I relaly have no faith in the adoption options we have chosen right now but well see I guess. We also found out that if we decide to do the classes through Bethany we will have to drop one (either the state or Bethany) we cant have an application in both places.

Decisions, decisions...and lots of prayer

Well yesterday we went for what was a question and answer with Bethany which turned into what I didnt want to hear unfortunately.

The lady that we spoke to was very nice but the comments about lengths and adoptions just werent what I wanted to hear. Some info for those who are interested (again this is only for MS-some areas are probably very different)
-2 domestic adoptions this year (in 7 mths thats extremely low!)
-after our wait of 6-9 mths from our application date it can be anywhere from 1 to 3 years. I was in shock to hear the 3 year mark thats insane. I know its worst case scenario but still that would be close to 4 years...
-last year they had 20 adoptions total in the state
-they like to only have 20 families at a time for a birthmom to look at so thats why the wait is long to get in the class
-each class that meets starts out with 6-8 couples and ends up with 4-6 usually. Some decide adoption isnt for them she stated.
-last class they had was in April and they have another class in August (couples who applied in Jan, Feb, & Mar) so if thats the cycle we would start classes in Dec. (Misty we would probably be in the same class:)
-what birthmoms usually look for is: parents who have no kids, moms who will SAHM, if they have another kid they do not want it to be biological bc they think a parent might favor the biological kid
-lady did state that most of the families are in their mid 30's to early 40's. They rarely have couples who want to adopt that are in their 20's
-she recommended a few books for us to help us out during the wait period.

Im not sure at this point what we will do. It just really seems like it will be an eternity if we wait for Bethany here. Our pastor stated that usually people have to wait the 6-9 mths and the longest he has seen was 18 mths which would be over 2 years in total.

Im just beyond frustrated with everything and it seems like we will never get a kid especially two. Ive been doing lots of research about Russian adoption too and thats always a possibility too. If Im going to pay 25-35k for a kid we will definitely go to Russia rather than do domestic. Just considering everything.

Follicle Check

Well Im back from my appointment from the RE. I totally forgot when I went in that my RE was actually out of town this week and so is his nurse. I got a new doctor and nurse that seemed pretty friendly I will have to admit. So the results
Have 2 follicles (14 mm & 17mm) and my uterine lining is 10 in.
The doctor stated that neither one of these is quite to ovulation and more than likely I will only have one follicle that will make it.

I have to go back Monday to see if the follicles have matured or not and they wont charge me for the ultrasound..yeah:)

Hopefully I will get at least one that can mature enough to make a baby we will wait and see I guess. The new doctor stated that in order to do a HCG shot that the follicle must be at least 21mm so thats what we are hoping for.

Well our appointment with Bethany is in less than 2 hrs hopefully we will find out some more information:)

Got my upcoming schedule for teaching and I love it! I have 4th block off every day for both semesters and my classes will be so much fun. Thats means that pretty much I will be done everyday 1:40ish. I dont think I could ever get so excited about teaching & classes but I really cant wait:) Im so much more motivated earlier in the day by the last class I always ran out of energy or so it seems like so yes Im excited:)

Ok I must admit I am addicted..to what you might ask? I just found the Russian database

Now if I could just read Russian I might could figure out what it was saying. Wow look at all those adorable kids I want to go pick one up now:) I will add it to the side for anyone that ever wants to go back at a later date.

Ok this has just made my day as silly as it might be. Im working on the list of adoption blogs and a lot of information to go with it. Hopefully I can finish it all up by this weekend and post by at least Monday. I figure I would share it with anyone who wanted it and I know if any of you are like me if its out there I love the info but am sometimes not the best at emailing or asking for info:)

Well less than 24 hrs till we get lots of info cant wait! My appt in the am is at 10:15 then our appt with Bethany is at 3 I cant wait. The excitement is building!

For my parents thought I would answer everything here-my parents are just those type of people that think they are too good for counseling, are the type of people you see on Sunday sometimes in church but are not regulars, they claim to be Christians but their actions sure dont show it. My parents both know how upset we are with them with their comments and maybe one day we will have a normal relationship but right now its very strained for sure.

Well we have been doing lots of research with International Adoption and Ive gotten lots of information regarding Russian Adoption and the real costs of it from real people. Its really helped to see the real costs of things. I have also found a TON of blogs for Russian adoption and if anyone is interested please leave a comment with your email address and Ill be happy to email them your way.

Chad & I were talking the other day and he asked me the questions "do you think that God has led us to adoption because of your parents"? Thats a really good question because my parents are really against us adoption and I honestly have never figured it out. Is God trying to teach them that adoption is a beautiful thing that they should rejoice in? I dont know if God is using us to teach them that lesson in life or not but I cant wait to share in the joy of an adopted child. We always said we were going to adopt whether we had one of our own or not.

That being said my mom has just said some really hurtful things lately to me and I really honestly dont want to have anything to do with her. Dont know what she is going through but gosh she has been horrible and so has my dad. Is it bad that I dont want to be around my own parents? They have not ever been the most supportive parents and honestly now Im to a point I dont want to be around people that just bring me down. Adoption is an emotional process with lots of ups and downs and lots of patience and its really tough and my parents are just making it that much harder. They should be the ones to support us and encourage us but unfortunately I dont have those kind of parents.

On the flip side Chads family is truly wonderful and calls all the time to see if we have heard anything. They pray for us each and every day and its just amazing the difference between two families.

On to other things-Friday will be a big day
I go in for my ultrasound Friday morning to see how many follicles and possibly get a HCG shot if things look good.
Then we got the call that we are going to meet with Bethany on Friday afternoon I cant wait! Our pastor (who is on the board) called and got us in..yeah!

On a final note our church puts out a newsletter each week and the verse this week was so perfect. Such a great reminder...
"Do not worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6

What a Saturday I think today has gone officially down in the books as the worst Saturday ever!

Well it all started on Saturday at 6 am to wake up and find out Brownie who is pretty good about not pottying on things used the bathroom on the floor (thank goodness it wasnt the carpet) I got to clean up that lovely stuff so early and then watch tennis (yes my choice to watch Chad and my brother) and having to stare straight into the sun for an hour. (not so bad)

Come home relax for a little while and decide to get my prenatal vitamin prescription refilled only to wait 40 minutes since the prescription never came over to the pharmacy. Then I find out that my insurance is worthless and doesnt cover it or I guess I should say it covers but the vitamins are less than my deductible since its so high on brand stuff..how..I guess thats why you must love insurance. The pharmacist tells me there is a generic which if I went somewhere else that is much cheaper that they will cover. Well I call around to pharmacies only to find out that viatmin has no generic the pharmacist didnt know what they were talking about at the first place I later find out.

Then at the 2nd tennis match (that we waited for an hour for!) we come out only to find out that Chad parked behind a gate and we were locked in. Thank goodness that my parents were there and we had a ride but frustrating wasnt even the point. Then Chad got hit in the eye (tennis balls seem to like him-first his eye, before it was his arm then we cant forget about softball too in the stomach). He went down and I really thought it was going to be off to the ER but of course hes tough and made it.

Then we ride home with my parents my parents to begin with (long story short) think that adoption is stupid and we should just have our own why would anyone adopt is their point. Well my dad made a really hateful comment about us adopting that really was just uncalled for. Then on the way home (it was close to 8 pm) we stopped in at a restaurant to eat only for my dad to throw a tenter tantrum like a 2 yr old then my mom joined him with the 2 yr old attitude. I finally said lets go Ill eat something at home we arent dealing with this. So we left and went home.

Then me and Chad went back out to get something quick at a local diner that we normally love thats pretty quick. Well they screwed up both of our orders and when we sent it back the waitress got an attitude with us. We were both already at our not so grand attitude so we just left and found something else. No telling what they would have done to the food Ive learned my lesson there. We did finally find something to eat.

Oh then AF is beyond heavy for 3 straight days and normally AF is only heavy for about 12-18 hrs. I was beginning to think I had lost it. Maybe thats why Ive been an emotional rollercoaster lately.

That was the end of Saturday...glad I dont have days like that everyday...

Sunday was better thank goodness. We played tennis for about 2-3 hrs (yes in the very hot sun in MS with the heat!) and Im starting to actually hit the ball back (yes Im a very true begineer).

Thank goodness AF is also starting to disappear I really am tired of seeing her around. Wish she would disappear for oh say about 9 mths that would make my day or actually a lot more than that:)

I know it will work out when God its Gods will but this patience thing is really getting to me. I think God is really teaching us to be patient and to obey him and this is really hard for me but Im working on it:)

That ended up being a lot longer than I thought..just needed to get it all off my chest:)

Last but not least if any of you have a Prenatal vitamin you recommend please share. Ive been taking the GNC Prenatal vitamin and its been making me so sick to my stomach lately.

Week In Recap

First of all I just want to congrulate a few of the new pg mommies out there. It seems like I came back and everyone is announcing they are pg which definitely gives me some hope:) So congrats to all of you:)
Lacy, Diana, Caroline

First of all I have really had a rough week and I think Chad even thought I was a bit psycho. Things are better now for sure I think there are just moments everything hits you at once and this week was one of those weeks.

So onto better news-weighed in this morning and had gained a bit from the trip even with all the walking and I lost 4.6 lbs this week. I had to check the scale a few times I really thought my eyes were deceiving me. Its been a really long time since I had a loss like that.

Saw the nurse the other day and today I start Femara 2.5 mg on days 5-9. I will go in for an ultrasound on day 12 (since day 14 is on a Sunday) and see how the new medicine works. I will go in at 7 DPO (or as close to it) to get my progesterone tested to see if it worked or not. With Clomid I always had a high progesterone so hopefully that will continue. I thought it was very interesting to know that one of the big differences between Clomid and Femara is how it sends to ovulate. With Clomid it goes straight to your pituitary gland (which I have a small pituitary tumor for anyone new) and Femara goes straight to your ovary. Seems like to me that Femara would work better but time will tell. It made me just a bit excited for once to read Dr. Google:) We all know how Dr. Google can really give you some results you dont like to hear so for once something good:)

Domestic Adoption
Yesterday we went to get our fingerprints for the state and everything was fine. We had to wait 30 minutes for our SW to get back which was rather annoying since I called him a few minutes before we arrived and he said he would be back then 30 minutes later he finally does. While we were there though we heard a very disturbing situation (shocked that the SW was talking about the entire situation in the waiting area!). The mom was originally from LA and obviously had her kid taken away from her from the sounds of it b/c she couldnt provide a home and she was on meth. Well the mom that had gotten her kid taken away pretty much said well in LA the state gives you free house, doesnt make you work and doesnt really care. This just made me beyond mad. This mother isnt out to take care of her kid, if she was she wouldnt have a problem providing a roof over her kids head. The kid was probably about 2 and absolutely adorable. It just infuriates me to no end to see a parent like this who can have a kid and then us.

Also talked to the lady that was doing our homestudy (we have 2 SW-one for home study, other for everything else) and it sounded like she hasnt even put it in the system. It just annoys me the way things run here.

Russian Adoption
Gotten information regarding Russian adoption and it is extremely pricy I must admit so I think for that matter alone we would probably try to adopt one through domestic and then maybe after saving up for it try Russian Adoption. We are going to go to a meeting with Bethany to find out more information but would not go through them.

Also found out after talking with the Russian Federation in Houston that you dont have to use an agency so thats always a possibility too. We would just have to find a translator. Also found it interesting that there are only 11 agencies in our district that are accrediated in Russia thats it which was very shocking to me. Here is the list for anyone curious

Other News
My grandmother went in for a heart catheter this morning and everything went well for her and she is out of surgery so huge praise!

Just when I think that God has left me to the side Im reminded of what a great God we serve!

If you would like to see all the pictures click here Let me know if the link doesnt work:)

Sunday-got into DC went straight to convention center with luggage, not fun. Finally got to our hotel and just crashed. Decided to take a walking trip to Boston Market and found out it’s a lot longer walk than we originally thought it was.
Dummer Boys at the Convention Hall

Monday-Tuesday: Convention, Convention and more convention. Didn’t do much else. Also found out that Food Courts close at 7 pm who would have ever thought in such a big city they would close so early?! We did get to go see the White House and Executive Offices
us in front of the White House-it really does exist..haha

Wednesday-half day at Convention Hall then we we were off to sight see. We went to the National Archives, Spy Museum and did Operation Spy (pretty cool like Jack Bauer on 24)
International Spy Museum


Thursday- felt so worn out after walking so much that day! We went to the Library of Congress, Supreme Court, Capitol, Union Station, American History Museum, and Natural History Museum. Since we got tickets from our representative from MS we got to go inside the Capitol and actually see what it looks like. If you didn’t get tickets you just got to sit on the outside.
Supreme Court

Hope Diamond

us at the Library of Congress-amazing building all marble!

Friday-Another day of totally worn out. Went to see the Holocaust, Washington Monument (couldn’t get tickets to go to the top they were sold out in less than 30 minutes after they opened, but did get to see it I guess), Jefferson Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, World War II Memorial (one of my favorites), WW I Memorial, National Aquarium (don’t go here I could have gone to a pet shop and got more entertainment), Arlington Cemetery, Pentagon, Pentagon Memorial, and we got to paddleboat out on the Tidal Basin (my favorite part and it was only $10 for 1 hr!!)

Washington Monument

Paddle boat-Jefferson Memorial in the corner

World War II Memorial

Pentagon Memorial

Arlington Cemetery-Tomb of the Unknown Soldier-changing of the guards

Saturday-almost missed our flight because we didn’t think to check to see how often the buses ran. Well our luck we just missed one and we had to wait an additional 40 minutes for the next one! We got to the airport with about 40 minutes to spare and the rude woman at the airport had to take a break right when we got up to her. I was beyond pissed and wanted to throw something at her. She wasn’t even nice about it, rude, rude! We were able to get to our flight because it was delayed thank goodness but if not, I don’t think we would have made it.
Leaving on the subway