God has a really clear plan and while we dont know every piece of it, today made the whole situation with the BM about as clear as can be. The writing is all over the wall and it hurt to see how clear it was but we also realized that God knew how emotionally attached to the BM and these babies we had gotten. Im just glad gave us such a clear answer and now it all makes sense as hard as it is to swallow especially what all we have found out.

An email a friend sent to me, I need to frame this all over our house:)-To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

For our plans we are just going to sit back and see what road God has in store for us. All of this has really made us want to go with an agency. We are still in the cue with Bethany so well see. We have never had anything against Bethany they have been nothing but kind and generous its just the wait. We did talk to our pastor though and he said that no one has ever had to wait over 18 mths. They did tell us since we are younger we probably would be picked sooner bc most couples they get are anywhere from mid to late 30's, some even early 40's.

We seem to keep coming back to them time and time over. Maybe God is trying to teach us patience in all of this and to really rely on him for everything. We are going to pray that he will direct us on the path he wants us to go down and well see where that path goes.

In other news the next few weekends are pretty exciting and hopefully it will help take our minds off of everything:)

• This weekend is the first college football game (MSU vs. JSU), then we are going up to see chads family and stay the weekend with them.
• Chads 30th birthday is Sept. 8..hes getting old..haha!
  
• next weekend is the trip to see my cousin, her little girl and hubby (MSU vs. Auburn)
• then the next weekend is Nashville (MSU vs. Vanderbilt) and possibly go see Wicked if we can get tickets.

Yes it is certain it is TWINS. I have had more emails, comments, text messages,phone calls from friends, family, people I dont even know with congrats, we are praying for you and just questions.

Yes you really did read that right...TWINS! We have been talking to young BM from MS that is having TWINS several times today over the phone. Shes committed to us and attorneys are involved. Don't know what else to say. We are extremely excited! Life will be changing in 2010 for sure.

Please pray for the BM and also for us. We still have a long way to go so anything can happen but for now things are good. Its amazing how one day can change so much!

Twins..wow...Im in amazement..God is amazing! I know everyone kept telling us as many times as we have been kicked in the gut and gone through more heartache and disappointment than I ever imagined..God does have a perfect plan...just a reminder
Matthew 21:22
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.

ADDED...
Due Date-April 7 or 8 ( 8 weeks)-some may think Im crazy for being so excited so early but for a BM to ask for a legal contract she wants to look no more?? Ill let God handle it, its in his hands now, not ours:) he is in control and he has a perfect plan. This maybe the longest 7 mths of our lives but I know he is in control!

Edited to Add-
If anyone has any questions please ask and Ill answer them all at once:)

Well tonight Chad was talking to a friend on Facebook that he graduated with that adopted a little girl who is absolutely ADORABLE! Well we have been talking to her about adoption and she seems to know lots of people.

She doesnt really keep in contact with the BM just due to some things that happened. Well she found out through the grapevine today that the BM is pg again (this will be her 6th..yes 6th child and she is only 23..wow) and is giving this one up for adoption. She said all this mother wants is $. We asked how much and she (girl chad graduated with) said a few hundred, groceries, etc....are you kidding me..thats it?? She said the most expensive part to them was they wanted to make sure this girl was clean of drugs the last month so they put her up in a hotel and paid for all necessities.

She gave up another one for adoption last year (she has had the past few in Sept) and that family still talks to her (BM) and then the girl chad graduated with talks to that family (anyone confused?!) and thats how she found out. Supposedly she is due in late Sept/early October she thought.

The scary part?? She has not been to the doctor yet and is that far along. She (girl Chad graduated with) said everyone of her babies have tested + for some type of drug. Scary? Yes but I know that they can also be weened off it too.

This girl keeps getting pg so she doesnt have to go to jail and is in this for the $, gets pg, gives up a child gets some $. I just couldnt imagine. Just a sad, sad situation.

Supposedly we are going to get in contact with her and see if she has already picked a family or not. The BM lives really close to Chads family in AL. Please say a little prayer for us and that if its God's will that he will show us the way, and if not he will show us the right situation.

Before I start out I just have this sense of frustration. So we emailed a few times with the birth family and then it was like as soon as we said we were not non-denomination she wanted to have nothing to do with us. I was pretty sure we would have contacts some of which didnt work out but never in a million years did I think it would be over religion. She pretty much said she was looking for someone that was non-denomination.

I will learn to accept it and know that God has another situation waiting for us but its just disheartening to hear that the reason you wont get picked is because of your religion which is Presbyterian (PCA) and not non-denomination.

We havent heard from the family all day today and I doubt we will. I just pray for God to show us the perfect situation and the perfect family in Gods perfect timing.

Well today marks our first contact we have had with a birthmother family. The birthmom is due in Spring of next year. We are still learning about the situation and there is still lots we dont know at this point and time.

Some questions have come from emails, blog comments, and some have been asked by family and friends and thought I would add those in as well:)
CA=Christian Adoption
Are you already up for consideration? I thought there was a slight wait? Yep we are already up for consideration as of 7 days ago:) We had to wait a few days before going up online (a few days)
Do you have to do a life book? nope
Are you excited to be with CA? Yep its really a great group of people
Whats the average waiting time with CA? 3-10 mths
Whats the average cost with CA? 5-12k
How did you find CA? Kellie from Life and Adoption told me about CA after I guess I sensed some great frustration in our path towards adoption and I will forever be grateful for her decision to tell us:)
Are there any blogs of people who have adopted or are in the process from CA? Yes...
1) Kellie from Life and Adoption has just started the process just like us,
2) Mindy and Jonathan from Bartling Miracles have adopted one little boy from CA and are now on the waiting list for another
3) Warren and Tamla from Our Adoption Journey ...adopted a child
4) Patrick & Tracy from Too Blessed to be Stressed....adopted a child
Will you have to do another home study since you already completed one? Yes we will have to complete another one because the SW who did it did not have a MSW so it will not be honored
How did you get started on the journey of adoption? Chad & I always knew that we wanted to adopt at least one child but we thought we would have one then adopt one but God had other plans for us. We first filled out our application through our state to adopt and went through the 15 hrs of classes that it took and were very disappointed with how things went but still went on with. During our time of wait we filled out our application with Bethany Christian Services and were told we would have to wait 6-9 mths before we would even be in our initial class and then after that it would be another 1-3 years totaling at least close to 2 years and up to 4 years.
How does CA work? You have to pay a $2500 fee to be listed online and you have to write a dear birthmother letter. Once you complete that it takes a few days to be listed on the site and after that point and time you could get a call from a birthmother at any point and time. You list your own phone # (we got a 1-800) and also your email address so they could literally call you at any point of the day. CA is almost like a facilitator for private/independent adoptions. For adoption agencies and attornies they are not allowed to ask their client if they are a christian unless they are a christian agency (its against the law big time) so if an attorney or agency has a birthmother that wants to have a christian family then they turn to a place like Christian Adoption to find a home for their precious child. The lady who runs CA helps you along the way if you have questions, need help, etc.
Is CA an agency? No they are not an agency
Why domestic over international adoption? We are not against international by any means and hope to do an international adoption through Russia after our first adoption which hopefully will be in a few years.
How old is the oldest child you would take? we have said that 2 years old would be the oldest child we are comfortable with but of course would love a newborn as well.
Are you planning on doing a nursery before you get a call? No we will not do anything with a nursery until we are matched
Is there any guarantee with CA? No there is no guarantee but they do have a great success rate:) The fee that you pay you can be on for 2 years, after that you have to pay an additional fee
How do you feel about an open adoption? I am open to one just depends on the birthmother in all honesty. If that is what the birthmother wants then of course we would definitely do it.
Do you think you will ever have a child on your own? it depends on what is in Gods will, we are ok with adopting all our children and not having one on our own. We will see what God has in store for us:)

I think Ive answered everything:) If anyone has another questions that something from here sparks please email me at amberwallace03@gmail.com or leave a comment and Ill add it to the list!

I have gotten so many questions regarding adoption and our information. If you have a question about anything to do with adoption or our personal situation (how we got here, why adoption, etc) please leave a comment or send me an email at amberwallace03@gmail.com and this week Ill compile all of them and post them all at once!
Thank you girls for all the sweet comments Im just in amazement of them all and how great things have turned out:) I cant wait to get the call for our baby!

For anyone that missed the last post we got put up almost 24 hrs from now..yeah!!

We got up online last night so exciting! There are a few things that need to be changed but hopefully we will get those changed ASAP!

http://www.christianadoption.com/sample809/chadamber.htm

What a day today has been. This morning with our school we went to the ropes course. Now keep in mind Im the girl that had no physical anything and plays/played no sports so the ropes course put a big huge "red flag" saying Im going to make a fool out of myself in front of all these other teachers whom Ive just met since I swtiched schools this year.

Well I survived the low ropes course and our group did so well I decided to be brave and try the high ropes course-brave yeah or maybe peer pressure. I climbed a 30 ft rock wall and did the zip line jumping off of 30 ft high. Can I just say how tough climbing a 30 ft rock wall was I feel like my arms are now jello! I dont think Ive ever drank so much water so quickly afterwards-I think I drank 3 16.9 oz bottles in like a record oh maybe 30 minutes. I think I did earn my exercise for today and will be paying for it tomorrow..haha!

Then got back to my room, and finally decided to tackle it and its a living nightmare. The girl that I took over for didnt leave on good terms and left the room in such a mess its ridiculous! There are 3 other teachers + me in my particular area and they have offered to help me out tomorrow because its so bad. Im lucky to have such wonderful people that are willing to help me out so greatly. At my old school you would have never seen that happen!

I just feel so overwhelmed right now (always do this time of year) and am trying to just breath right now and survive and kids come back Monday. There are so many little things that no one told me about with setting up all the lab computers (since I teach computer) and its just really got me stressing out...why didnt someone tell me this earlier so I could do it??? Chads almost entire family is coming down this weekend to visit I dont know what I was thinking by agreeing to this. I know we will have fun but the weekend before school starts back..eeks! I keep telling myself I will survive...I will survive...can someone please remind me of this?!

In other news...I was talking to a co-worker and somehow we got on the topic of kids and anyway she was saying that her and her husband TTC for 7 years and were told they would never have kids. They now have 3 kids (all singles) and she said they proved the doctors wrong! It gave me a bit of hope that maybe one day!

Adoption News..heard from the lady at CA and our profile will be up no later than tomorrow night by midnight I cant wait to see it! Yeah...yeah!

So all in all it was a crazy day...short recap
1) High and low ropes course..was fun!
2) stressful day with school and everything that has to be done BEFORE Monday!
3) Hope from a fellow co-worker
4) Adoption News---on by tomorrow night at midnight..yeah!

We officially submitted everything to Christian Adoption and now we are just waiting for it to be put up on the web..so exciting! We got our picture back from our friend photographer and it really turned out great. Ill post our profile once it gets up. It seems as though the word is getting out about this place as they have had 4 couples up in a little over a week..amazing!

Christian Adoption (CA) is a wonderful ministry and I cant wait to adopt our precious child and meet them!

Anyone else obsessed with recipes? Yes Im very guilty so I finally started a recipe blog with lots of sites if you are interested. If you have any sites Ive missed please share or if you have a recipe you want to be added just send me an email or leave a comment:)
http://ambers-recipes.blogspot.com/

Im finally feeling back to normal now thank goodness and I think I passed the kidney stone too..yeah! Now its back to working full days tomorrow. One week from tomorrow the kids come back..wow this week is going to go by so quickly so much to do. As soon as we get the picture back from our friend we are going to submit everything to CA so exciting!

This week is quite a week but I love staying busy I must admit also

Last night we went to go take our professional pictures with our dear friend. Well it looked like it was fixing to storm but it was the only night either one of us didnt have something going on. Well I prayed really hard to please Lord just let the rain hold off until we get a few pictures so we will have one for our profile if you want us to adopt. Well wouldnt you know it the rain held off and just about the time our friend put his camera up it started raining. God is good and gave us a clear sign of adoption. The rain held off and we got some great pictures I think. Just waiting to see the final pictures!

Tonight is the International Adoption meeting to see if we are interested or not and get some more info

Wednesday is getting my progesterone tested to see if we even have a chance of being pg. I would be excited of course if we were, but if not we are going to go forward with CA and get things ready for it.

Thursday-have to take Brownie to get her yearly shots

Friday-start back with school, have a shorter day and orientation and all that fun stuff.

After the training and all that jazz we are heading to Destin for the weekend I cant wait! One of our good friends is getting married this weekend. I just hope the rain holds off for them because according to the weather its supposed to rain all weekend long.

Well thats our crazy week for ya. Next week is the start back to school in full for teachers, then the following Monday (Aug. 10) kids come back..my summer is slowly coming to a stop. Im ready to go back but then again I kind of will miss sleeping in too so its a bittersweet moment...

Well I went to the RE and my wonderful doctor was back from vacation I really did miss him:) He just has a way to make you feel so much better and hes always sooo positive about everything no matter if its good or bad news.

So I went for the vaginal ultrasound for the follicle check and I have 2 follicles that are now 20 & 25mm which he said was absolutely perfect I could not have asked for better numbers. I got an HCG shot because he was so pleased and well see what happens. He said I should ovulate anytime in the next 24 hrs or so:) It just made my day. Regardless if we get pg or not I just needed something to go right and hear some good news:)

Then I called CA (Thanks Kellie for all your info!) and the lady that owns it was truly wonderful. I think if it doesnt work out we will definitely go with them. I emailed 49 couples about their program with some questions so hopefully I will receive some answers from people who have used them. It was almost like I had this feeling that Ive never had..the feeling of excitement..the feeling of hope...the feeling that God was trying to tell me you have been trying this on your own, turn it over to me and give me the reigns and lets do this my way and not your way. A feeling I have never had with the state or Bethany.

We called a dear friend of ours who is a photographer and he has been so sweet to take pictures for our online profile I cant wait! Now we are going to start writing our dear birthmother letter so if anyone has any websites, books, blogs, etc that have helped you to create a wonderful birthmother letter please share!!

Im just amazed how you can go from feeling in your darkest and worst moments to being so excited for the future:)

I just read Jennys post and Ive been feeling this way for quite some time.

Why God do people all around me get pregnant with just having sex once?

Why do we have to go down a road that only few do and have such pain doing so?

15 mths of TTC and feeling like we are really no closer than when we started just a lot more out of our wallets with fertility treatments, medicines, needles, and oh that costly MRI I had done just to tell me I had a tumor..just lovely.

Why do I have a family who cant support our decision to adopt and lets us know that as well. Havent we endured enough pain with not being able to have our own kids but yet a family who cant support us too. How much more pain can we endure before giving up all hope of ever having a child?

Why God do people have to charge so much $ for adoption. Isnt there domestic agencies that charge under 15k?

I just dont comprehend how people can get pg in the backseat of a car in their teens and dont want to a kid but yet we would love to have a kid and practically do almost anything to get one but honestly cant do so.

Today we went to a church picnic with so many kids it was crazy (I knew and expected and have gotten to where I can handle it sometimes) but what I wasnt expecting was for a parent who has 3 kids to say she prays God wont give her another kid she already has her hands full enough. Really, seriously? I wish and pray that God would give us even one. Then others saying oh well we are going to have a April/May baby we just need to start TTC and it will happen quickly just like the last. Yeah again how lucky these women are. I just tried to fight through it but that maybe one of the hardest obstacles. How can you truly be so ungrateful for a kid when some people cant even have them?

I guess its just been an emotional rollercoaster and I know that things will get better but some things do set me back like occassions like this...

Maybe one day we will be so blessed to have a child of our own. I pray for the day and cant wait to see we are parents but I think its going to be a long road. I relaly have no faith in the adoption options we have chosen right now but well see I guess. We also found out that if we decide to do the classes through Bethany we will have to drop one (either the state or Bethany) we cant have an application in both places.

Decisions, decisions...and lots of prayer

Well yesterday we went for what was a question and answer with Bethany which turned into what I didnt want to hear unfortunately.

The lady that we spoke to was very nice but the comments about lengths and adoptions just werent what I wanted to hear. Some info for those who are interested (again this is only for MS-some areas are probably very different)
-2 domestic adoptions this year (in 7 mths thats extremely low!)
-after our wait of 6-9 mths from our application date it can be anywhere from 1 to 3 years. I was in shock to hear the 3 year mark thats insane. I know its worst case scenario but still that would be close to 4 years...
-last year they had 20 adoptions total in the state
-they like to only have 20 families at a time for a birthmom to look at so thats why the wait is long to get in the class
-each class that meets starts out with 6-8 couples and ends up with 4-6 usually. Some decide adoption isnt for them she stated.
-last class they had was in April and they have another class in August (couples who applied in Jan, Feb, & Mar) so if thats the cycle we would start classes in Dec. (Misty we would probably be in the same class:)
-what birthmoms usually look for is: parents who have no kids, moms who will SAHM, if they have another kid they do not want it to be biological bc they think a parent might favor the biological kid
-lady did state that most of the families are in their mid 30's to early 40's. They rarely have couples who want to adopt that are in their 20's
-she recommended a few books for us to help us out during the wait period.

Im not sure at this point what we will do. It just really seems like it will be an eternity if we wait for Bethany here. Our pastor stated that usually people have to wait the 6-9 mths and the longest he has seen was 18 mths which would be over 2 years in total.

Im just beyond frustrated with everything and it seems like we will never get a kid especially two. Ive been doing lots of research about Russian adoption too and thats always a possibility too. If Im going to pay 25-35k for a kid we will definitely go to Russia rather than do domestic. Just considering everything.

Ok I must admit I am addicted..to what you might ask? I just found the Russian database

Now if I could just read Russian I might could figure out what it was saying. Wow look at all those adorable kids I want to go pick one up now:) I will add it to the side for anyone that ever wants to go back at a later date.

Ok this has just made my day as silly as it might be. Im working on the list of adoption blogs and a lot of information to go with it. Hopefully I can finish it all up by this weekend and post by at least Monday. I figure I would share it with anyone who wanted it and I know if any of you are like me if its out there I love the info but am sometimes not the best at emailing or asking for info:)

Well less than 24 hrs till we get lots of info cant wait! My appt in the am is at 10:15 then our appt with Bethany is at 3 I cant wait. The excitement is building!

For my parents thought I would answer everything here-my parents are just those type of people that think they are too good for counseling, are the type of people you see on Sunday sometimes in church but are not regulars, they claim to be Christians but their actions sure dont show it. My parents both know how upset we are with them with their comments and maybe one day we will have a normal relationship but right now its very strained for sure.

Well we have been doing lots of research with International Adoption and Ive gotten lots of information regarding Russian Adoption and the real costs of it from real people. Its really helped to see the real costs of things. I have also found a TON of blogs for Russian adoption and if anyone is interested please leave a comment with your email address and Ill be happy to email them your way.

Chad & I were talking the other day and he asked me the questions "do you think that God has led us to adoption because of your parents"? Thats a really good question because my parents are really against us adoption and I honestly have never figured it out. Is God trying to teach them that adoption is a beautiful thing that they should rejoice in? I dont know if God is using us to teach them that lesson in life or not but I cant wait to share in the joy of an adopted child. We always said we were going to adopt whether we had one of our own or not.

That being said my mom has just said some really hurtful things lately to me and I really honestly dont want to have anything to do with her. Dont know what she is going through but gosh she has been horrible and so has my dad. Is it bad that I dont want to be around my own parents? They have not ever been the most supportive parents and honestly now Im to a point I dont want to be around people that just bring me down. Adoption is an emotional process with lots of ups and downs and lots of patience and its really tough and my parents are just making it that much harder. They should be the ones to support us and encourage us but unfortunately I dont have those kind of parents.

On the flip side Chads family is truly wonderful and calls all the time to see if we have heard anything. They pray for us each and every day and its just amazing the difference between two families.

On to other things-Friday will be a big day
I go in for my ultrasound Friday morning to see how many follicles and possibly get a HCG shot if things look good.
Then we got the call that we are going to meet with Bethany on Friday afternoon I cant wait! Our pastor (who is on the board) called and got us in..yeah!

On a final note our church puts out a newsletter each week and the verse this week was so perfect. Such a great reminder...
"Do not worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6

First of all I just want to congrulate a few of the new pg mommies out there. It seems like I came back and everyone is announcing they are pg which definitely gives me some hope:) So congrats to all of you:)
Lacy, Diana, Caroline

First of all I have really had a rough week and I think Chad even thought I was a bit psycho. Things are better now for sure I think there are just moments everything hits you at once and this week was one of those weeks.

So onto better news-weighed in this morning and had gained a bit from the trip even with all the walking and I lost 4.6 lbs this week. I had to check the scale a few times I really thought my eyes were deceiving me. Its been a really long time since I had a loss like that.

TTC
Saw the nurse the other day and today I start Femara 2.5 mg on days 5-9. I will go in for an ultrasound on day 12 (since day 14 is on a Sunday) and see how the new medicine works. I will go in at 7 DPO (or as close to it) to get my progesterone tested to see if it worked or not. With Clomid I always had a high progesterone so hopefully that will continue. I thought it was very interesting to know that one of the big differences between Clomid and Femara is how it sends to ovulate. With Clomid it goes straight to your pituitary gland (which I have a small pituitary tumor for anyone new) and Femara goes straight to your ovary. Seems like to me that Femara would work better but time will tell. It made me just a bit excited for once to read Dr. Google:) We all know how Dr. Google can really give you some results you dont like to hear so for once something good:)

Domestic Adoption
Yesterday we went to get our fingerprints for the state and everything was fine. We had to wait 30 minutes for our SW to get back which was rather annoying since I called him a few minutes before we arrived and he said he would be back then 30 minutes later he finally does. While we were there though we heard a very disturbing situation (shocked that the SW was talking about the entire situation in the waiting area!). The mom was originally from LA and obviously had her kid taken away from her from the sounds of it b/c she couldnt provide a home and she was on meth. Well the mom that had gotten her kid taken away pretty much said well in LA the state gives you free house, doesnt make you work and doesnt really care. This just made me beyond mad. This mother isnt out to take care of her kid, if she was she wouldnt have a problem providing a roof over her kids head. The kid was probably about 2 and absolutely adorable. It just infuriates me to no end to see a parent like this who can have a kid and then us.

Also talked to the lady that was doing our homestudy (we have 2 SW-one for home study, other for everything else) and it sounded like she hasnt even put it in the system. It just annoys me the way things run here.

Russian Adoption
Gotten information regarding Russian adoption and it is extremely pricy I must admit so I think for that matter alone we would probably try to adopt one through domestic and then maybe after saving up for it try Russian Adoption. We are going to go to a meeting with Bethany to find out more information but would not go through them.

Also found out after talking with the Russian Federation in Houston that you dont have to use an agency so thats always a possibility too. We would just have to find a translator. Also found it interesting that there are only 11 agencies in our district that are accrediated in Russia thats it which was very shocking to me. Here is the list for anyone curious

Other News
My grandmother went in for a heart catheter this morning and everything went well for her and she is out of surgery so huge praise!

Just when I think that God has left me to the side Im reminded of what a great God we serve!

Well today is CD 1 honestly had no shot of being pregnant but what really is frustrating how early AF came I mean right on time with the 10 DPO mark of every month but only to have a 23 day cycle is sooo short, shortest ever..what is up?? Dont think I will ever figure that one out.

Talked with the nurse at the RE's office she is truly wonderful and so sweet! Any question Ive ever had she is always right there to answer anything. Anyway the plan is to take Femara days 5-9 I forgot to ask her what dosage either 2.5 mg or 5 mg. If anyone is interested in trying it here is the voucher for a free 30 day 2.5 mg (so if you take 2.5 mg thats 6 mths FREE or if you take 5 mg its 3 mths FREE!) Ive read several things with people who took clomid who got pg quickly with Femara guess we will see how it works.

For International Adoption and what has really got me thinking about it is seeing the Holocaust Museum. Has anyone else seen it? Wow and the childrens part of it, it brought me almost to tears so sad and has really gotten to me big time. Its a thought right now well see what happens. It would just be really tough with teaching and making trips but not sure how many and how long so anyone who has info I would love to hear any.

Still working on the DC post its going to be a big one sometime this week!