Ok after a rough two days I think Destin is sounding better and better:) After my day at work (little over half day) we are heading down there..cant wait!

Please say a little prayer for our dear friends who are having their wedding on the beach on saturday. The weather is saying all rain and I couldnt imagine paying the amount they have to have an indoor wedding so I hope and pray the rain will hold off for them.

We are staying with one of my good friends who I have been friends with for over 20 years. She has two little kiddos who are absolutely precious I cant wait to see them! I know we will have lots of fun we always do and she just got her first house and I know she is so excited so I cant wait to see it:)

Spoke with my RE and I always had in my mind if this cycle didnt work we were done..I mean we have tried just about everything and nothing has worked. Well maybe God had another plan...
Ive been trying to get all the doctors who I have been too in the past 15 mths to put me on some type of progesterone supplement since my luteal phase is so short. They all think that fertility drugs (clomid preferably) has been the answer not progesterone supplements. I know some of you dont think its that big of a deal but my RE.....F-I-N-A-L-L-Y is going to give me a prescription for vaginal supplements. Maybe this isnt a big deal to anyone else but its a huge deal to me. Do you know how long I have waited to even have a true shot of getting pg...we will see what happens...so I say if this doesnt work out we are done..over and moving on to fully adoption. Then I know we have tried everything and God has a different route for us.

Plan of Action this month..final month...
1) Go in tomorrow morning (too early-since work starts back tomorrow) to get my FSH and prolactin levels tested again. Not sure when I will get my results back. Ive been on cabergoline since March due to a very elevated prolactin
2) increase dose of Femara to 5 mg
3) ultrasound on day 14 (Aug. 12-my brothers birthday) and do an HCG shot
4) vaginal progesterone supplement that will start the day I go in for ultrasound (so excited about this step!)

Anyone had a vaginal progesterone supplement so I know what to expect?? Any side effects, etc.??

we are going to start working on our dear birthmother letter this month and if it doesnt work Im really ok with it but I guess I just want to know Ive given it my all that Im willing to try.

Less than 24 hrs we will be in Destin!!! Have a great weekend!

So this morning came my worst enemy...AF...making it one of my shortest luteal phases. My doctor that the HCG shot would lengthen my luteal phase but its only shortened it.

Im just frustrated that my body seems to cooperate and do fine until that 8-10 DPO and it cant be normal. No doctor has really ever been able to solve the problem of lengthening my luteal phase. Well I should take that back my first OB-GYN put me on Clomid which allowed it to go from 5 DPO to 9 DPO and its really never been longer. No doctor can make it longer than 9 DPO...

Its almost like this is a no brainer and I would think would be able to be fixed without much but it doesnt seem to be that easy I guess.

Then to make it better my cycle days are getting shorter too..
This cycle was only 24 days..I mean really cant I catch a break..at least let me go 28 days so I at least dont have to see you so often...
last month was 23 days....
26 days month before

I would rather ovulate later and have a longer cycle then O sooner. Im just frustrated and feel like pulling out my hair because its like the issue really has never been resolved.

Ive been taking B6-200mg for the past 2 mths (2 of my shortest cycles) which is supposed to lengthen my luteal phase and its only shortened my cycle days. No more B6 thats for sure.

I mean couldnt AF hold off until after we got back from Destin...guess that would have been too much to ask for...

Anyone who has dealt with a short luteal phase have any suggestions??

It just seemed like today was not my day or maybe God was just trying to give us a clear path.

1)Got my progesterone back and it was only 8.2 at 8 DPO.
I never in a million years expected it to be that low. I mean even the nurse said my doctor didnt even quite understand. I mean my follicle sizes grew great, I got a HCG shot, my progesterone with clomid has been great why so low? My heart just sunk and yes tears begun. No one can seem to understand my body. I respond fine to any type of meds, my progesterone has always been high so why cant we have a child?? I have never been tested at 8DPO its been anywhere from 3 DPO to 7 DPO. Is that one day mean something? Im clueless...
I think God was just trying to give me a clear answer that adoption is for us but I must admit my heart has not sunk over news like this in a while.

2) My parents were supposed to keep our little puppy Brownie this weekend they always do. Well my mom texts me (cant even call me) and says that I need to make other arrangements for Brownie that they arent keeping her. Pissed was an understatement because now I have to get additional shots for her, spend more at a boarding place because everyone was booked due to everyone making one last vacation before school starts that cost us over double the price it should have...this is just one more addition of my parents and the book I need to write on their crap. She has known about this for a while why wait until a few days before we leave to say anything?? Dont worry she wont be keeping her anymore if we go somewhere we will be booking her at the place that everyone recommends around here but of course she couldnt get in because they were already booked. Oh then lets add that I cant pick my poor puppy up on Sunday I have to wait until Monday to get her....

3) Then to end the day..Chads Explorer died and went up into smoke..his Explorer is not even that old either. He had to get it towed so we are hoping its nothing too major

Maybe just maybe something can go right...ugh what a frustrating day...

I just read Jennys post and Ive been feeling this way for quite some time.

Why God do people all around me get pregnant with just having sex once?

Why do we have to go down a road that only few do and have such pain doing so?

15 mths of TTC and feeling like we are really no closer than when we started just a lot more out of our wallets with fertility treatments, medicines, needles, and oh that costly MRI I had done just to tell me I had a tumor..just lovely.

Why do I have a family who cant support our decision to adopt and lets us know that as well. Havent we endured enough pain with not being able to have our own kids but yet a family who cant support us too. How much more pain can we endure before giving up all hope of ever having a child?

Why God do people have to charge so much $ for adoption. Isnt there domestic agencies that charge under 15k?

I just dont comprehend how people can get pg in the backseat of a car in their teens and dont want to a kid but yet we would love to have a kid and practically do almost anything to get one but honestly cant do so.

Today we went to a church picnic with so many kids it was crazy (I knew and expected and have gotten to where I can handle it sometimes) but what I wasnt expecting was for a parent who has 3 kids to say she prays God wont give her another kid she already has her hands full enough. Really, seriously? I wish and pray that God would give us even one. Then others saying oh well we are going to have a April/May baby we just need to start TTC and it will happen quickly just like the last. Yeah again how lucky these women are. I just tried to fight through it but that maybe one of the hardest obstacles. How can you truly be so ungrateful for a kid when some people cant even have them?

I guess its just been an emotional rollercoaster and I know that things will get better but some things do set me back like occassions like this...

Maybe one day we will be so blessed to have a child of our own. I pray for the day and cant wait to see we are parents but I think its going to be a long road. I relaly have no faith in the adoption options we have chosen right now but well see I guess. We also found out that if we decide to do the classes through Bethany we will have to drop one (either the state or Bethany) we cant have an application in both places.

Decisions, decisions...and lots of prayer

Well Im back from my appointment from the RE. I totally forgot when I went in that my RE was actually out of town this week and so is his nurse. I got a new doctor and nurse that seemed pretty friendly I will have to admit. So the results
Have 2 follicles (14 mm & 17mm) and my uterine lining is 10 in.
The doctor stated that neither one of these is quite to ovulation and more than likely I will only have one follicle that will make it.

I have to go back Monday to see if the follicles have matured or not and they wont charge me for the ultrasound..yeah:)

Hopefully I will get at least one that can mature enough to make a baby we will wait and see I guess. The new doctor stated that in order to do a HCG shot that the follicle must be at least 21mm so thats what we are hoping for.

Well our appointment with Bethany is in less than 2 hrs hopefully we will find out some more information:)

Got my upcoming schedule for teaching and I love it! I have 4th block off every day for both semesters and my classes will be so much fun. Thats means that pretty much I will be done everyday 1:40ish. I dont think I could ever get so excited about teaching & classes but I really cant wait:) Im so much more motivated earlier in the day by the last class I always ran out of energy or so it seems like so yes Im excited:)

First of all I just want to congrulate a few of the new pg mommies out there. It seems like I came back and everyone is announcing they are pg which definitely gives me some hope:) So congrats to all of you:)
Lacy, Diana, Caroline

First of all I have really had a rough week and I think Chad even thought I was a bit psycho. Things are better now for sure I think there are just moments everything hits you at once and this week was one of those weeks.

So onto better news-weighed in this morning and had gained a bit from the trip even with all the walking and I lost 4.6 lbs this week. I had to check the scale a few times I really thought my eyes were deceiving me. Its been a really long time since I had a loss like that.

TTC
Saw the nurse the other day and today I start Femara 2.5 mg on days 5-9. I will go in for an ultrasound on day 12 (since day 14 is on a Sunday) and see how the new medicine works. I will go in at 7 DPO (or as close to it) to get my progesterone tested to see if it worked or not. With Clomid I always had a high progesterone so hopefully that will continue. I thought it was very interesting to know that one of the big differences between Clomid and Femara is how it sends to ovulate. With Clomid it goes straight to your pituitary gland (which I have a small pituitary tumor for anyone new) and Femara goes straight to your ovary. Seems like to me that Femara would work better but time will tell. It made me just a bit excited for once to read Dr. Google:) We all know how Dr. Google can really give you some results you dont like to hear so for once something good:)

Domestic Adoption
Yesterday we went to get our fingerprints for the state and everything was fine. We had to wait 30 minutes for our SW to get back which was rather annoying since I called him a few minutes before we arrived and he said he would be back then 30 minutes later he finally does. While we were there though we heard a very disturbing situation (shocked that the SW was talking about the entire situation in the waiting area!). The mom was originally from LA and obviously had her kid taken away from her from the sounds of it b/c she couldnt provide a home and she was on meth. Well the mom that had gotten her kid taken away pretty much said well in LA the state gives you free house, doesnt make you work and doesnt really care. This just made me beyond mad. This mother isnt out to take care of her kid, if she was she wouldnt have a problem providing a roof over her kids head. The kid was probably about 2 and absolutely adorable. It just infuriates me to no end to see a parent like this who can have a kid and then us.

Also talked to the lady that was doing our homestudy (we have 2 SW-one for home study, other for everything else) and it sounded like she hasnt even put it in the system. It just annoys me the way things run here.

Russian Adoption
Gotten information regarding Russian adoption and it is extremely pricy I must admit so I think for that matter alone we would probably try to adopt one through domestic and then maybe after saving up for it try Russian Adoption. We are going to go to a meeting with Bethany to find out more information but would not go through them.

Also found out after talking with the Russian Federation in Houston that you dont have to use an agency so thats always a possibility too. We would just have to find a translator. Also found it interesting that there are only 11 agencies in our district that are accrediated in Russia thats it which was very shocking to me. Here is the list for anyone curious

Other News
My grandmother went in for a heart catheter this morning and everything went well for her and she is out of surgery so huge praise!

Just when I think that God has left me to the side Im reminded of what a great God we serve!

Hope everyone has had a great week we have had a great week but very exhausting to say the least. DC if you have never been is a city that you walk, walk and then some more. We walked anywhere from 5-8 miles a DAY! I think my feet felt like they were really about to fall off. I mean I walk pretty regularly but not that much.

When we got back though we got into serious shock from the difference in weather I mean we knew it would be hotter here but it about knocked you down. I must say I wish I could take the weather and our bed but other than that the rest can be left. People were just down right rude to us they need to learn some lessons from the southerners for sure!

Ill try to do a full update with pictures one day this week I need to organize almost 500 pictures and go through them. We did see a lot of history for sure.

In other news..there has been no word of any type from adoption stuff and doubt we will hear anything either. We have talked about other agencies and possibly even doing international adoption via Russia but its all talk now we will see. Ive been reading the The Adoption Decision: 15 Things you want to know before adopting and its really a great book Im almost finished with it and its taught me a few things.

Also, Im thinking about trying Femara this month anyone who has taken it I would love to hear your thoughts. I can get a FREE month of it so that would be nice as well! Ive just heard and read that Femara is not nearly as bad as Clomid which Ive taken for 6 mths with nothing so time to try something different.

I have added info on both sides-books, websites, etc. (one for adoption-left side, TTC-right side) for anyone who is interested. I got tired of always searching back through old posts to find that website so figured I would add them so I have a handy reference.

If anyone has websites, books, magazines, etc to share on either TTC or Adoption I would love to have them and I will get them added for future reference.

TGIF!

Isnt everyone glad its almost the weekend?! This has been an incredibly long week for me with school (trying to finish up) and it seems like anything and everything else.

Next week will be a much better week I think. Wednesday we have our first adoption class, Thursday will be the second (two days in a row). The classes are 3 hrs long each so we will have 6 hrs behind us once those two are over with and have 3 left, 2 the following week, and then one the next. Im actually really looking forward to learning more information about adoption because I honestly dont know much at all. Thursday will also mark the last day of school as well.

I think Ive also decided to wait it out to test until Thursday. If AF still hasnt come by Thursday then I would feel pretty good about things since that would be CD 31 and depending on when I O, it would put me at about 12-16 DPO which I have honestly never made it past 9 DPO. So Thursday seems like it could mark a big day, well see.

Yesterday afternoon me, my mom and brother went out to the local flea market for our area that happens twice a year and they had so many cute clothes for baby and so many cute things for kids nurseries as well. It was kind of sad to know that I wotn be buying that stuff anytime soon. I was also shocked to see the sticker price on some of that stuff as well, yikes I could go buy some Polo stuff for as much as that stuff cost! My mom did say she thinks we will have a girl because she knows I would love a little girl. Honestly I would take either and be happy with either as well. Maybe one day Ill be able to go back there and get some of that cute stuff..one day...

Then last night hubby had a softball game and one of the guys that plays on the teams wife also comes to all the games (good to have someone to talk to!) Well last week another one of the wives asked both of us when we would be having a baby. Isnt this the famous line you absolutely hate?? Ive come to really dread this question. Well we both said that we were trying. I had no idea they were and was rather shocked but was kind of excited to have a close friend to talk about things with. Well last night she asked me a ton of questions about tracking your fertility, all these little things dealing with getting pg and I shared kind of our story too. She was saying that she is on day 38 and is trying to figure out if she was pg or just irregular periods. A part of me would be really excited for her to be pg but the other part of me would be a bit jealous that she could get pg after one month.

Tonight is graduation for all the seniors its kind of bitter sweet. Its amazing how these kids have grown and truly amazing to see the difference between even one year. It will be the last time I see some of them, of course some I will see at Mississippi State games since we are big MSU fans.

Hope you girls have a great weekend and a great Friday!