CD1- Why?

Psalm 39:7
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

What a great reminder even on the first day of a new cycle. My hope is in him I just need to learn patience because it gets tougher and tougher each month.

As you can see from the title AF found me late yesterday and I keep asking the question why God? Why do we have to go through so much pain for a child? I honestly dont get it at all but sometimes things arent always so clear and here is a perfect example of it.

A few hours after I posted I went to the bathroom and AF was here in full bloom no denying it at all. I cried my eyes out I think it gets tougher and tougher each month for her to pay me a visit, especially this month. Im glad to have such a wonderful husband that wrapped his arms around me and said when God is ready for us to have a baby we will have one. Its tough but God will get us through it. I really dont know what I would do without him, hes truly wonderful!

Then after all this we went to watch the Office and if that wasnt a kick in the stomach I dont know what was. Pam & Jim are having a baby (seemed as though unexpected). If its so easy on TV why cant it be so easy in real life?! Of course that sent more tears streaming...

I think that we both have felt led to adopt for some time and this is the reassurance as much as it wasnt the reassurance we wanted though.

A few questions to answer up if anyone is curious
1. Will we do another IUI cycle? Not at this time we have shelled out so much $$ for doctors, procedures and nothing has happened. We are going to leave it in Gods hands and if its meant for us to have a baby we will but only in his will.

2. Will we ever do IVF? No, I just couldnt fathom doing this with as much $ as it costs with no guarantees.

3. Will we be doing Clomid this month? No, just need a break from it. The hot flashes and all that other fun stuff that makes me dread this medicine

4. Will I still continue to take the cabergoline (generic for dostinex)? Yes, want to make sure that my prolactin is still regulated. Dont really mind taking this medicine because I have really had no side effects of it.

5. Will I get my tubes checked to make sure there are no blockages? depends on if insurance will pay for it or not. If it will, probably so because we have already met our deductible for this year already due to all the expenses (really due to the MRI to check for the pituitary tumor)

6. Do you have any fears of adoption? yes, absolutely! My biggest fear with adoption is the thought of being chosen and then a birthmother changing her mind. I know that this is the way God is leading us so we will trust him.

If you have any other questions please let me know.


WantWait&Pray said...

Hi Amber. THANK YOU for your encouragement and prayers throughout my IVF journey- though it's not over, I feel so comforted knowing that we have been lifted up in prayer. My prayers are with you and your DH as you pray about your next steps, adoption or a break. Hugs!

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

Very sorry about af..
I don't have any Questions.. But I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your husband.. Praying that God will send the baby that he has hand picked/chosen for you.

God is with you, and he will be with you both and lead you in what ever decisions you have to make:)

Hope you have a Great week!!


Tina said...

So sorry that AF showed. I always seem to find myself asking "WHY?" I wish I knew the answer. I hope that you are able to somehow find the strength to figure out your next step in your journey!

I will be thinking of you this week!


Onna said...

Amber I'm so sorry that AF showed up sweetie.
I'm thinking of you!

God will provide, he always does!

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry honey! I know how you feel!! I wish I could take the pain away. ((HUGS))

Nerida said...

Hi Amber. I'm so sorry that AF found you again. I can hear the pain in your post and wish I could take it all away. The only thing I do know for sure is that God has a plan for your lives, and that in his time it will become certain for you both. You will be a wonderful mother, whichever way that happens and any little baby you may adopt will be lucky to be raised in a home full of love and faith.


G & H said...

Another question! Are you guys interested in adopting only a baby or are you open to any age?