Emotional Rollercoaster

The past oh 48-72 hrs have been I think by far the most emotional I feel like Ive ever been through. Yes TTC is tough but wow adoption its a totally new ballgame.

Yesterday-I went to the grocery store yesterday and saw a friends mom who I had not spoken to in years. Whats the first thing she says...anyone want to take a guess?? If you guessed children you are right. She says oh how many kids do you have now? I said none. She said oh so you dont want any? I said no God has not blessed us with any yet. Oh then it gets better...her daughter..girl I was friends with years ago is pg and is due in January. She went on and on about her, her pg just everything to go along with it.

Well like that wasn't enough..today a co-worker announces the great pg....not like one isn't enough lets get another one in there.

Then we get stabbed not once but twice I feel like with adoption..once for religion, the other because well who knows she wont respond..what did we say..why? Why?

Does life ever get any easier? Why do we have to experience such heartache and why can everyone around us have a baby/get pg except us? I have lost my appetite like I never imagined I could seriously go days and days without eating and I don't think it would bother me. Ive just really let everything get to me B-I-G time.

Today has been a really, really long day I just got home about an hour ago (at like yes 9 pm and got there this am at 7 am) so I think I just need to go to sleep and maybe my emotions will be better.

12 comments:

sarah m said...

I know the wait (and potential contacts) are hard. It is such an emotional process...just do your best to hand it to God every day...He will carry the burden for you - if you let Him. Who knows why those contacts didn't work out? Perhaps God was protecting your heart as it's not what He had planned for you anyway. I totally understand where you are, but just wanted to give you some encouragement, too. It WILL happen...in His perfect time. :)

Megan said...

(((HUGS)))

Sorry you had such a rough day. Some people just don't know or realize when to keep their mouths shut and just keep on talkin.

Your BM / baby is out there. Prayers that they find you soon!

Jen said...

i'm so sorry today was so rough. you will find your family. your baby will find you! hang in there! i know it's so hard to wait. we're about to start the adoption waiting and i know it's going to KILL me! but the end result is so great!!! (((hugs)))

Kellie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
twondra said...

How hard of a day. :( I'm so sorry. People just don't seem to get it and it's so hard. I wish people could be more understanding. I don't think they mean anything by it but it still hurts. (((HUGS)))

Leah said...

So sorry about your difficult day. This is such a difficult and LONG process. Having a child shouldn't be this difficult, and I pray we will all be better mother's someday because of it.

Thinking of you.

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

I'm so sorry that you had such a hard day!!! My heart sank for you reading about it.

People most of the time are just "ignorant" unfortunately and don't know what to say. That doesn't really make us feel better knowing that though I guess:( Its never an easy thing for me to deal with. Its painful!!!

I just want to let you know that I care... And that I'm praying for you. I know parts of the adoption process MUST be Very Hard. And that NO one can truly understand unless they've been through it them selves.

I believe that your baby is out there.. and that Everything will work out in Gods perfect timing. I can not wait to read your Post about you bringing home your new "Sweet Baby" in the future:)

HUGS,
Hannah

G & H said...

I'm so sorry some people just dont get it and they go on and on and on!

Thinking of you lots and I know you know but the perfect Bmom is just out there searching for you and she will find you!!!

lynn ortis said...

I am feeling your pain. I know we had a adoption not work out in Russia in October. I was so hopeless and then we met our beautiful twin daughters(9 months later) . We are waiting for a court date in Russia to bring themhome. I got it then and all the pain went away. Adoption is sooooo emotional but you will see Gods hand in it when you meet the child that was meant for you.

bartlingmiracles said...

I once had a hair dresser say to me, "So, are you EVER going to have kids?!!!" I sat there and cried. You'll gain a sensitivity to all kind of life situations after comments like those.

We had a saying in our house during our dark days that we still use: Some day we'll look back on this and laugh. And wow, have we ever laughed! God must have been laughing too knowing what He had in store for us in His timing.

In hindsight, we look back now on our darkest moment of infertility and our son was alive and well in his birth mother's womb. God was already answering our prayer... we just didn't know it!

Mindy from CA

Hillary said...

Ugh, I am SO SORRY. That is an emotional rollercoaster, and I can't believe you've already had 2 adoption contacts fall through so fast. You poor thing. (((hugs)))

Breen said...

Sorry you had a rough day! I totally understand how you feel. Big Hugs!