God has a really clear plan and while we dont know every piece of it, today made the whole situation with the BM about as clear as can be. The writing is all over the wall and it hurt to see how clear it was but we also realized that God knew how emotionally attached to the BM and these babies we had gotten. Im just glad gave us such a clear answer and now it all makes sense as hard as it is to swallow especially what all we have found out.

An email a friend sent to me, I need to frame this all over our house:)-To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

For our plans we are just going to sit back and see what road God has in store for us. All of this has really made us want to go with an agency. We are still in the cue with Bethany so well see. We have never had anything against Bethany they have been nothing but kind and generous its just the wait. We did talk to our pastor though and he said that no one has ever had to wait over 18 mths. They did tell us since we are younger we probably would be picked sooner bc most couples they get are anywhere from mid to late 30's, some even early 40's.

We seem to keep coming back to them time and time over. Maybe God is trying to teach us patience in all of this and to really rely on him for everything. We are going to pray that he will direct us on the path he wants us to go down and well see where that path goes.

In other news the next few weekends are pretty exciting and hopefully it will help take our minds off of everything:)

• This weekend is the first college football game (MSU vs. JSU), then we are going up to see chads family and stay the weekend with them.
• Chads 30th birthday is Sept. 8..hes getting old..haha!
  
• next weekend is the trip to see my cousin, her little girl and hubby (MSU vs. Auburn)
• then the next weekend is Nashville (MSU vs. Vanderbilt) and possibly go see Wicked if we can get tickets.

Yes we are big time football people (for MSU-dont confuse with University of MS better known as Ole Miss-thats our major rival and would be a major insult:)

Thank you for all the sweet comments, texts, and emails. So many people praying for us makes me feel incredibly blessed! I know one day we will be able to look back on things but right its just really tough.

I really do love searching for bible verses and quotes I have a TON. If anyone wants the list feel free to email me or leave a comment with your email and Ill be happy to email them to you. If enough people do want them Ill just post them here:)

I dont think I could ever really give up on my dream of being a mother but the past 16 or so months have been a real test, well see what God has in store for us.

Isaiah 40:31-but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint.

Well we found out this morning that the birthmother miscarried...
Our hopes, our dreams of kids..just shattered to the ground.

I dont understand why God would let this situation come along only to be let right down. I dont know what we will do next...maybe we just arent meant to have kids.....

Chad & I are trying to put together a list of all these things we are going to need/want so I want to ask all those moms out there...
1) What do you now wish you had bought?
2) What made your life easier?
3) What do you wish you never bought?

Thanks for all the feedback!

Yes it is certain it is TWINS. I have had more emails, comments, text messages,phone calls from friends, family, people I dont even know with congrats, we are praying for you and just questions.

A great verse to carry us through this long 7 mths. I know that God led us to this mother for a reason, it was not an accident by any means. If its in his will it will work out

Yes you really did read that right...TWINS! We have been talking to young BM from MS that is having TWINS several times today over the phone. Shes committed to us and attorneys are involved. Don't know what else to say. We are extremely excited! Life will be changing in 2010 for sure.

Please pray for the BM and also for us. We still have a long way to go so anything can happen but for now things are good. Its amazing how one day can change so much!

Twins..wow...Im in amazement..God is amazing! I know everyone kept telling us as many times as we have been kicked in the gut and gone through more heartache and disappointment than I ever imagined..God does have a perfect plan...just a reminder
Matthew 21:22
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.

ADDED...
Due Date-April 7 or 8 ( 8 weeks)-some may think Im crazy for being so excited so early but for a BM to ask for a legal contract she wants to look no more?? Ill let God handle it, its in his hands now, not ours:) he is in control and he has a perfect plan. This maybe the longest 7 mths of our lives but I know he is in control!

Edited to Add-
If anyone has any questions please ask and Ill answer them all at once:)

I just want to say a big thank you to all of you who have took the time to comment, you really dont know how much your comments really do help:) So please keep them coming:) Also a big thank you to those of you that I didnt know were reading along and stopped by to comment. It always helps to know how much support you have:)

This has been the hardest thing I think we have ever been to, its like the biggest emotional rollercoaster we have ever been on. We have both said it that we would rather have not been contacted at all then to have the contacts we got and the way it ended.

We have also gone and back forth on lots of options. Im just really beginning to feel like Im in this big competition with all these women at CA and its not what I want at all and I think thats made it that much tougher too. Am I the only one that feels this way?

A girl that I work with had a close friend of hers that TTC for 5 years, finally got pg only to go into labor at 24 wks. She ended up delivering the baby and the baby survived for 12 days and passed away today so please keep this family in your prayers, I couldnt even imagine the pain that family is experiencing. My heart just breaks for them.

In other news, my brother has the swine flu Im coming down with something that Im really not sure but feel terrible but at least I have HGTV to keep me company:)

The past oh 48-72 hrs have been I think by far the most emotional I feel like Ive ever been through. Yes TTC is tough but wow adoption its a totally new ballgame.

Yesterday-I went to the grocery store yesterday and saw a friends mom who I had not spoken to in years. Whats the first thing she says...anyone want to take a guess?? If you guessed children you are right. She says oh how many kids do you have now? I said none. She said oh so you dont want any? I said no God has not blessed us with any yet. Oh then it gets better...her daughter..girl I was friends with years ago is pg and is due in January. She went on and on about her, her pg just everything to go along with it.

Well like that wasn't enough..today a co-worker announces the great pg....not like one isn't enough lets get another one in there.

Then we get stabbed not once but twice I feel like with adoption..once for religion, the other because well who knows she wont respond..what did we say..why? Why?

Does life ever get any easier? Why do we have to experience such heartache and why can everyone around us have a baby/get pg except us? I have lost my appetite like I never imagined I could seriously go days and days without eating and I don't think it would bother me. Ive just really let everything get to me B-I-G time.

Today has been a really, really long day I just got home about an hour ago (at like yes 9 pm and got there this am at 7 am) so I think I just need to go to sleep and maybe my emotions will be better.

Just a little update on BM 2
We talked to her a few times on Friday and we asked for US pics and all the sudden contact stopped. We really dont know what happened quite frankly but she contacted 5 other couples and none have heard back from her since Friday. Im kind of putting it behind me and saying this one is over with.

Today has been a great day with church and lots of church friends. Our pastor had a great sermon and we had a wonderful Sunday School service as well. We were challenged to spend more time in the word and in prayer. Its something Ive really been trying to do more. Its definitely a tough thing to do when you seem so busy but I know that with this time that it will help me to be closer to God. It really has shown me why we go to the church we go to and it makes me feel very blessed for so many wonderful people to be praying for us during this time.

I feel like Ive already been on a emotional rollercoaster and Ive just started the process. I know it will all be worth it in the long run but right now its so hard not to get so excited over any contact. I know one of these contacts will work out for us when God sends us the perfect BM.

We got another contact from a birthmother who is 4 mths along! This is all so interesting and exciting!

Well tonight Chad was talking to a friend on Facebook that he graduated with that adopted a little girl who is absolutely ADORABLE! Well we have been talking to her about adoption and she seems to know lots of people.

She doesnt really keep in contact with the BM just due to some things that happened. Well she found out through the grapevine today that the BM is pg again (this will be her 6th..yes 6th child and she is only 23..wow) and is giving this one up for adoption. She said all this mother wants is $. We asked how much and she (girl chad graduated with) said a few hundred, groceries, etc....are you kidding me..thats it?? She said the most expensive part to them was they wanted to make sure this girl was clean of drugs the last month so they put her up in a hotel and paid for all necessities.

She gave up another one for adoption last year (she has had the past few in Sept) and that family still talks to her (BM) and then the girl chad graduated with talks to that family (anyone confused?!) and thats how she found out. Supposedly she is due in late Sept/early October she thought.

The scary part?? She has not been to the doctor yet and is that far along. She (girl Chad graduated with) said everyone of her babies have tested + for some type of drug. Scary? Yes but I know that they can also be weened off it too.

This girl keeps getting pg so she doesnt have to go to jail and is in this for the $, gets pg, gives up a child gets some $. I just couldnt imagine. Just a sad, sad situation.

Supposedly we are going to get in contact with her and see if she has already picked a family or not. The BM lives really close to Chads family in AL. Please say a little prayer for us and that if its God's will that he will show us the way, and if not he will show us the right situation.

Before I start out I just have this sense of frustration. So we emailed a few times with the birth family and then it was like as soon as we said we were not non-denomination she wanted to have nothing to do with us. I was pretty sure we would have contacts some of which didnt work out but never in a million years did I think it would be over religion. She pretty much said she was looking for someone that was non-denomination.

I will learn to accept it and know that God has another situation waiting for us but its just disheartening to hear that the reason you wont get picked is because of your religion which is Presbyterian (PCA) and not non-denomination.

We havent heard from the family all day today and I doubt we will. I just pray for God to show us the perfect situation and the perfect family in Gods perfect timing.

Well today marks our first contact we have had with a birthmother family. The birthmom is due in Spring of next year. We are still learning about the situation and there is still lots we dont know at this point and time.

Some questions have come from emails, blog comments, and some have been asked by family and friends and thought I would add those in as well:)
CA=Christian Adoption
Are you already up for consideration? I thought there was a slight wait? Yep we are already up for consideration as of 7 days ago:) We had to wait a few days before going up online (a few days)
Do you have to do a life book? nope
Are you excited to be with CA? Yep its really a great group of people
Whats the average waiting time with CA? 3-10 mths
Whats the average cost with CA? 5-12k
How did you find CA? Kellie from Life and Adoption told me about CA after I guess I sensed some great frustration in our path towards adoption and I will forever be grateful for her decision to tell us:)
Are there any blogs of people who have adopted or are in the process from CA? Yes...
1) Kellie from Life and Adoption has just started the process just like us,
2) Mindy and Jonathan from Bartling Miracles have adopted one little boy from CA and are now on the waiting list for another
3) Warren and Tamla from Our Adoption Journey ...adopted a child
4) Patrick & Tracy from Too Blessed to be Stressed....adopted a child
Will you have to do another home study since you already completed one? Yes we will have to complete another one because the SW who did it did not have a MSW so it will not be honored
How did you get started on the journey of adoption? Chad & I always knew that we wanted to adopt at least one child but we thought we would have one then adopt one but God had other plans for us. We first filled out our application through our state to adopt and went through the 15 hrs of classes that it took and were very disappointed with how things went but still went on with. During our time of wait we filled out our application with Bethany Christian Services and were told we would have to wait 6-9 mths before we would even be in our initial class and then after that it would be another 1-3 years totaling at least close to 2 years and up to 4 years.
How does CA work? You have to pay a $2500 fee to be listed online and you have to write a dear birthmother letter. Once you complete that it takes a few days to be listed on the site and after that point and time you could get a call from a birthmother at any point and time. You list your own phone # (we got a 1-800) and also your email address so they could literally call you at any point of the day. CA is almost like a facilitator for private/independent adoptions. For adoption agencies and attornies they are not allowed to ask their client if they are a christian unless they are a christian agency (its against the law big time) so if an attorney or agency has a birthmother that wants to have a christian family then they turn to a place like Christian Adoption to find a home for their precious child. The lady who runs CA helps you along the way if you have questions, need help, etc.
Is CA an agency? No they are not an agency
Why domestic over international adoption? We are not against international by any means and hope to do an international adoption through Russia after our first adoption which hopefully will be in a few years.
How old is the oldest child you would take? we have said that 2 years old would be the oldest child we are comfortable with but of course would love a newborn as well.
Are you planning on doing a nursery before you get a call? No we will not do anything with a nursery until we are matched
Is there any guarantee with CA? No there is no guarantee but they do have a great success rate:) The fee that you pay you can be on for 2 years, after that you have to pay an additional fee
How do you feel about an open adoption? I am open to one just depends on the birthmother in all honesty. If that is what the birthmother wants then of course we would definitely do it.
Do you think you will ever have a child on your own? it depends on what is in Gods will, we are ok with adopting all our children and not having one on our own. We will see what God has in store for us:)

I think Ive answered everything:) If anyone has another questions that something from here sparks please email me at amberwallace03@gmail.com or leave a comment and Ill add it to the list!

I just want to say a big thank you to all of you girls that have nominated me for blog awards..I feel very honored! Its been a crazy, hectic week but it always is the first week of school.

Check back tomorrow for a round of FAQ's about adoption and our situation and if you have one that you would like to see added please send me an email at amberwallace03@gmail.com or leave a comment

_______________________________________________________
Award #1-One Lovely Blog Award
Ive been so lucky to be awarded this not once but twice by two fabulous ladies! Thanks to Breen over at Chapman Journey to a baby & Mrs. Hammer at Expect Miracles

Rules: Accept the award; post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his/her blog link. Pass the award on to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
1) Plaid with Polka Dots
2) Life and Adoption
3) Our Road to Reagan
4) Our Story
5) Curran Adoption Journey
6) Kellys Korner
7) Life {Sweet} Life
8) Making our House a Home
9) Bartling Miracles
10) More Than Dog Children
11) The R House
12) Heart Cries
13) Stuart and Sarah Creamer
14) Fong Family Adoption
15) One Step at a Time
_____________________________________________________________
Award #2-Your Blog is fabulous
Thank you Kellie for giving me my award! And thank you for thinking my blog is fabulous!

The rules for this award are as follows:
1) List five current obsessions
2) Pass the award on to five fabulous blogs

Five current obsessions:
1. Cooking. Love to find new recipes and love to try new things. Maybe thats why I started the cooking blog..haha!

2. Adoption. I find myself looking at lots of things with adoption to see how long it takes and just to find out anything new about it. Cant wait for our bundle of joy to arrive!

3. Planning classes..as silly as it sounds its soo very true! I love my classes and couldnt imagine doing anything else. I learn so much from my kids and doing research online I just love it. I love to find out new things in the technology world and new things I can teach my kids. I get paid to have fun..haha:)

4. Facebook. Yes I so agree with you Kellie:) I seem to be on facebook when I get home and its so addicting. Everyone that I know seems to be on it now.

5. Digital Scrapbooking. I absolutely love scrapbooking I dont seem to have enough time to do it but its so much fun. I love to find new kits, alphabets, etc and the free ones are really great:)

5 Fabulous Blogs:
1. In Its Time-always amazed how she stays so positive about things and it seems like just when Im having a rough day I can always pop in and she seems to have a message that always touches me so thanks!
2. Journey to a "wondraful baby" we just seem to have so much in common its almost scary..haha! Great person and cant wait to share in our adoption journey together!
3. The Borg's Blog-love how honest she is in all her posts and just a wonderful blessing to see God in work in such a wonderful way with her 2 beautiful adopted children!
4. Our Journey of Love-what a wonderful christian family who has been through so much but is about to adopt their 2nd precious child.
5. God's Faithfulness through infertility - a beautiful story of Gods perfect plan

What a whirlwind of 2 days it has been! Well as most of you know Im a high school computer teacher and with that comes computers (21 + mine to be exact). Well the logins for all my students to login has not worked for their particular login, then on top of that I find out that I havent been moved over to the new server....oh yes my life has been quite the hectic place lately.

I have survived somehow..there is a lot more to to the story but thats the short version of it:) Ive been so upset at the particular dept it took 4 days to come out, they came out and stuff still isnt fixed and they told me I have to create a WO to get the rest fixed. Its a good thing I had a class or I might have strangled the tech. So they have to come back out to get it done.

I still have 7 of my 21 that dont work so I have to wing it with teaching until they get taken care of. I really dont know what Im going to do with them tomorrow. I mean the first day was fine I had enough for them to do but the 2nd day is getting into the hard part especially with block classes.

Ok did any of that stuff just make any sense..haha! I think Im just babbling now...

Some funny/dumb blonde things from my kids the past 2 days Ill share
-you listen to Dave Matthews, my parents listen to them (we all said what our fav musician/band was)
-you worked at vanderbilt..like the fancy school..haha
-did you get shot at your old school (it was in a bad area of town)..I had to state I am here arent I..haha
-what does compose an email mean..yes really they did say it
-what is economics (state its pretty much banking, finance, etc and they had no clue what that was..wow!)
-do people at vanderbilt smoke that green you know bad stuff

I think thats all I can think of for now..I know theres more but my brain is kind of dead right now.

No news really on anything to do with adoption, its been a crazy/hectic start to the week hopefully it will get better. I really think Im going to enjoy my kids this year

Then I had one of my students say that they are pg and are finding out if its a boy or girl tomorrow. Um this makes my frustration rise. Kids in high school having kids and we cant even have one. Really Im ok with it but its like when you think you are ok you get hit with a brick like this. Then another one of my friends announced her pg on facebook..its her 4th..yeah cant I just have one?!

I have gotten so many questions regarding adoption and our information. If you have a question about anything to do with adoption or our personal situation (how we got here, why adoption, etc) please leave a comment or send me an email at amberwallace03@gmail.com and this week Ill compile all of them and post them all at once!
Thank you girls for all the sweet comments Im just in amazement of them all and how great things have turned out:) I cant wait to get the call for our baby!

For anyone that missed the last post we got put up almost 24 hrs from now..yeah!!

We got up online last night so exciting! There are a few things that need to be changed but hopefully we will get those changed ASAP!

http://www.christianadoption.com/sample809/chadamber.htm

What a day today has been. This morning with our school we went to the ropes course. Now keep in mind Im the girl that had no physical anything and plays/played no sports so the ropes course put a big huge "red flag" saying Im going to make a fool out of myself in front of all these other teachers whom Ive just met since I swtiched schools this year.

Well I survived the low ropes course and our group did so well I decided to be brave and try the high ropes course-brave yeah or maybe peer pressure. I climbed a 30 ft rock wall and did the zip line jumping off of 30 ft high. Can I just say how tough climbing a 30 ft rock wall was I feel like my arms are now jello! I dont think Ive ever drank so much water so quickly afterwards-I think I drank 3 16.9 oz bottles in like a record oh maybe 30 minutes. I think I did earn my exercise for today and will be paying for it tomorrow..haha!

Then got back to my room, and finally decided to tackle it and its a living nightmare. The girl that I took over for didnt leave on good terms and left the room in such a mess its ridiculous! There are 3 other teachers + me in my particular area and they have offered to help me out tomorrow because its so bad. Im lucky to have such wonderful people that are willing to help me out so greatly. At my old school you would have never seen that happen!

I just feel so overwhelmed right now (always do this time of year) and am trying to just breath right now and survive and kids come back Monday. There are so many little things that no one told me about with setting up all the lab computers (since I teach computer) and its just really got me stressing out...why didnt someone tell me this earlier so I could do it??? Chads almost entire family is coming down this weekend to visit I dont know what I was thinking by agreeing to this. I know we will have fun but the weekend before school starts back..eeks! I keep telling myself I will survive...I will survive...can someone please remind me of this?!

In other news...I was talking to a co-worker and somehow we got on the topic of kids and anyway she was saying that her and her husband TTC for 7 years and were told they would never have kids. They now have 3 kids (all singles) and she said they proved the doctors wrong! It gave me a bit of hope that maybe one day!

Adoption News..heard from the lady at CA and our profile will be up no later than tomorrow night by midnight I cant wait to see it! Yeah...yeah!

So all in all it was a crazy day...short recap
1) High and low ropes course..was fun!
2) stressful day with school and everything that has to be done BEFORE Monday!
3) Hope from a fellow co-worker
4) Adoption News---on by tomorrow night at midnight..yeah!

We officially submitted everything to Christian Adoption and now we are just waiting for it to be put up on the web..so exciting! We got our picture back from our friend photographer and it really turned out great. Ill post our profile once it gets up. It seems as though the word is getting out about this place as they have had 4 couples up in a little over a week..amazing!

Christian Adoption (CA) is a wonderful ministry and I cant wait to adopt our precious child and meet them!

So AF is really confusing the absolute living daylights out of me...So almost a week ago I started off pretty heavy but it was brown blood not red...well ever since then Ive had spotting to almost non existent days. Im so confused on what is up...When I went to the ER with the kidney stone they took a pg test and it was negative but Ive never gone this long with having pretty much a non existent cycle what is up?? Anyone ever had this happen?

Courtney from www.fongfamilyadoption.org has emailed me the following message:

Our garage sale is over but we do have several unsold items to pass on to another family who also plans to raise money for their adoption. I know your blog gets a lot of traffic so would you mind posting an announcement about this on your blog some time? We would love to help another Chicago-area family out.

If you are in the Chicago-area or know someone that is please drop by her blog at www.fongfamilyadoption.org. Thanks Courtney for the gracious offer!

Anyone else obsessed with recipes? Yes Im very guilty so I finally started a recipe blog with lots of sites if you are interested. If you have any sites Ive missed please share or if you have a recipe you want to be added just send me an email or leave a comment:)
http://ambers-recipes.blogspot.com/

Im finally feeling back to normal now thank goodness and I think I passed the kidney stone too..yeah! Now its back to working full days tomorrow. One week from tomorrow the kids come back..wow this week is going to go by so quickly so much to do. As soon as we get the picture back from our friend we are going to submit everything to CA so exciting!